The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Nineteen: Breaking Down

Song: Buried Beneath by Red

*Some scenes in this chapter are actually based off of a victim's testimony

*

*

My body aches.

I've been stuck in human trafficking for two whole months now, and being raped repeatedly has taken a massive toll on my body. I have about thirty customers a day, and each and every one of them leaves bruises and blood on my body when they're done with me.

Some are so rough with me they cause internal bleeding from my womb, and I'm sure they've damaged the chance for me to ever conceive children.

Perhaps, maybe that's why I haven't fallen pregnant yet. It's extremely unusual for any woman in human trafficking to not fall pregnant eventually. And maybe it's a good thing.

I wouldn't want to bring a child into this world. I couldn't imagine having a child being raised in this environment.

But the fact that I may never be able to have children of my own one day, when perhaps, I'm free from this hell, hurts me. The choice is stripped from me now, and for that, it breaks me.

And as I walk down the street, I swallow back tears that threaten to spill. My high heels click loudly against the chipped pavement, drowning out any other sounds. Night time has fallen, and I'm being forced to sell myself on the streets.

I can't escape.

They're watching me.

They have eyes everywhere.

Even now, I can feel their hidden eyes upon my body, watching my every move and making sure I'm doing what I am told to do.

So I walk towards the vehicle that's parked on the streets. Their headlights are on and it's as if a spotlight is being shinned upon me. It lights me up and with each step I become closer and closer.

My heart pounds painfully in my chest and I forcefully push all my emotions in the back of my mind. I hide behind the walls I have built around my heart and live life feeling numb. It's the best solution so that I might not hurt myself anymore than I already am.

But some nights, my walls fail me, and I hit rock bottom.

And then I realize just how broken I am. Just how much pain I'm in.

And those nights are cold and painful. Those nights I wrestle with the devil for my identity, for my purpose. The devil holds lies in the palms of his hands, and I feed from them. He feeds me lies in my most vulnerable moments, he attacks me when I'm at my lowest point.

And I hate myself for believing them. But sometimes, I just can't help it.

You're worthless. He says. I know, I reply. I used to not believe them but as I walk up to the car window about to sell myself for another cold round of rape, I believe them. I believe them because I am worthless. I'm a cheap slut in the hands of a monster.

And nothing more.

I lean my head into the open window of the car and put on a fake, seductive smile. "Are you ready, boys?" I ask huskily.

Two men, looking around their mid thirties, smile at me. They are both regular customers, one of their names is Brian and the other one is named Caesar. They both take turns with me when they purchase me for the night.

They're both actually good looking men who come from wealthy families. Brian is a successful CEO of a company and Caesar is his successful business partner who also, coincidentally, happens to be a lawyer.