The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Thirty: Distrust & Revenge

Song: How Could You Leave Us by NF

*Thank you Lesbi_Honest_Here for bringing this song up :)

E v e r y   t h o u g h t   i s   a   b a t t l e ,

E v e r y   b r e a t h   i s   a   w a r ,   

A n d   I   d o n 't   t h i n k 

I   a m   w i n n i n g   a n y m o r e   

* * *

That girl reminded him of himself.

While he didn't know her full background, he knew she's been through something similar he has been through.

But despite that, she was still a kind person. His experience, his past, had made him bitter, angry, and cruel. It had scarred him physically, the marks of what they did to him cover his skin, and it disgusts him.

But the extent of what they had done to him couldn't be seen by the eyes of humanity. The worst damage had been done to him mentally, and that's where he struggled the most. He failed in that area and the demons from his past drove him mad.

They were the cause of his nightmares. They were the cause of his pain.

And perhaps, maybe his downfall is that he chooses to be stuck in the past. He struggles to let go of his past and lives in the realm of revenge and anger that is tearing him apart. He, combined with his horrific past, will be the death of him if he doesn't seek out some form of help soon.

But...help from whom?

For Colton, every human on this earth was against him, even if he does seek professional help for his problems, how could he? He believed all people -trustworthy or not - had some kind of hidden agenda against him. He believed that if he opened up to anyone, they would use that information and use it against him.

His severe distrust in others stems from his upbringing. It is deeply rooted in the trauma nobody should have to face in their lives. Angry, violent behavior accompanies his distrust as well as detachment.

He was a ticking time bomb roaming the streets, but he didn't see the problem with himself. He believed what he was feeling was normal, and he used those intense, dangerous emotions as motivation to seek vengeance against those who have wronged him in his life.

Nobody can save him, not even that girl who he.....somewhat admires for her will to move on. She was so much unlike him. She had been sexually abused just as he, and yet, she is healing and he is not.

That made him angry.

How could she move on so quickly and yet, he is still trapped?

This made him full of rage.

Wouldn't she want revenge, just like himself? She should be angry and vengeful to the bastard know as life, but she looks at peace with it. She's accepted what's been done to her and tries to move on.

And he, he refuses to do so. He can't let anything go, not when he's been chasing revenge almost all his life.

Not when he's closing in on his father who has moved on and has cleaned up his act.

Colton threw his bottle of whiskey against the wall. It shattered upon impact and the glass shards rained down upon the ground in glittering, sharp pieces. The stench of the alcohol was strong as it dripped down the wall.