Shawn Mendes Imagines

48. Disorder Pt.2

100 k ! Thank you so so much ! ❤ It's been a long journey for more than 1 year now ! Thankful for every readers. Love you !

Shawn's perspective

"Y-Y/N... ?" My voice low as I push the doorknob down.

I make one step inside, but I get no reaction. The dark is consuming the room, light turned off, and curtains closed. A shiver goes right down my spin as a cold draught hits my skin. This must come from an open window behind those awful curtains.

"Y/N ?" I repeat, hoping I would get an answer this time.

I take a few more steps inside the room and eventually glimpse the silhouette of her delicate body lying in bed, right in the corner of the room. Her back is facing me so I don't really know if she's is trying to get some sleep or not. I decide to walk to her bed and sit next to her to find it out by myself. My fingers slowly and gently start stroking the side of her arm. I only realize she's not asleep when I hear a tiny sniffle coming from her.

"Y/N ? Hey ? Are you ok ?" I ask softly, my fingers stopping their action.

"Why are you here, Shawn ?" I hear her mumble, and my brows automatically frown.

I stare at her a bit perturbed. She still hasn't moved, and I still hear some little noises coming from her. What is making her cry ? I don't get it.

"I'm here for you, Y/N.... I'm here to see how you're going." I press my palm on her displayed shoulder to try to make her move, but she immediately wriggles to make me understand I have to remove it, which is what I do.

"Please, don't touch me." She whispers harshly and removes the warm covers from her body, finally wanting to get out of bed.

I stand up to let her slip off the bed, but as soon as I see her face, my heart drops. Dark circles under her dull red eyes, pale complexion, hollow cheeks. It becomes worse and worse every time.

"Honey..." It's the first time I've dared to call her by a pet name for a long time. I wanted to detach myself from the love I had -and maybe still have- for her to avoid being more hurt. A part of the process was to abolish loving nicknames.

She scoffs, a fake smile hiding the pain on her face, and wraps her arms around herself as she looks away.

"Shawn... You didn't come here for nearly 2 whole months." Regrets and remorse already start to engluf me. "At first I just thought you were busy, but after three whole weeks without seeing your face, I understood you lied to me. You weren't planning on visting me soon..." Her eyes, which are now looking at me, become all glossy and pained.

What can I say ? She's right. It was more and more difficult to see her like this, to know her mental health was slowly degenerating.

"I-I don't know what to say, Y/N." I let out.

"Then don't say anything and leave. I'm not holding you back after all." She states calmly, her gaze away again.

I stay silent for a moment. I don't want to leave... It's the first time I don't want to leave this place actually.

"I don't want to. Not now." I say, staring blankly at the ground.

A few more silent seconds pass before she looks up at me and cracks, crying while blurting out some words. Those mood swings have become more frequent lately.

"Why did you leave me alone for so long here ? You knew your presence was the only thing I needed. I was constantly asking the nurses if they had some news from you, but they were just looking at me with a sad smile. Everyday, I was hoping you'd show up, but you never did until now."