Shawn Mendes Imagines

55. Heroin - Badflower

Seeing Shawn tomorrow 😭 I'm so excited.

Shawn's perspective

She's in my head again

But when isn't she ?

She's addictive, really, and she has always been. I would say she's even intoxicating... But I can't quit.

She knows where I have been.

I'm going down that road again.

She knows what I've been through. She knows everything about my past, about the mistakes I made, about the girls who hurt me and made me doubt about love. Actually, she's one of them, but...

She's in my bed again.

Yes... I fell... again. It's always the case when I feel like that. I curse this part deep inside of me that tells me I need her. I don't, I'm pretty sure about that... However, I end up here, in my own bed, fighting with my feelings as I watch her sleep. Once again.

Her naked body is covered by the white bedsheets. She seems so peaceful. I know she's the devil, but she hides it behind an angelic face. How can I not fall for her ? I hate myself for being that weak... I really do.

I observe her. Her hair is a bit messy, and the birthmark she has on her shoulder blade is on show. I love that mark, I like to run the tip of my finger around it, tracing it. I look at it for a moment, but the memories of the night before flow back in my head.

~

I open the door, relieved to hear the soft knocks. She stands there, again, like a thousand times before. That same old biological response happens : my heart starts racing, almost trying to get out of my chest. She's here.

I let her in and immediately place my hand on the side of her neck. No words have been exchanged yet, but who cares ? I pull her a little bit closer to me, and my lips crash on hers. One kiss is not enough to heal all my wounds though. I need more, I need her. I'm desperate. She perfectly knows that, so she grabs my face and pulls me in for another kiss. It's slow but so fucking good. Her lips are the remedy I need right now. My hands run all over her body and eventually stop at the zipper of her dress.

Things escalate pretty quickly after that. Her body is stuck underneath mine as I kiss and tease the sweet spots of her neck. A soft moan leaves her mouth, and her nails attack the sensitive skin of my back. That familiar sound always makes me forget everything, at least for a short moment.

She marks her fingerprints in my skin.

And then, the most thrilling sensation happens as I inhale her scent. I know that perfume so well. My sheets smell just like that in the morning. It's a scent I learnt to hate and love at the same time. It burns, just like the drug she is for me, just like heroin.

I breathe her perfume in,

It burns like heroin.

I can feel her invading my senses, almost controlling me. Just like a narcotic would, she spreads in my whole organism, and I can feel that euphoric sensation again.

She's in my veins again.

I'm so weak, so fucked for her. She's bad for me, I can't keep doing this. Yet, I do. I can't stop. I sin every time I call her, I know that, but she seems like being the only real savior, even if she ruins me every time she leaves. I have to stop all this... but one more time, please. Just one more. All that will be over in the morning.

But she knows that I'll bleed her out before I wake,

Exale her oxygen.

But will it really end in the morning ?

~

My mind comes back to the present time when I hear her move in her sleep. Her eyes flutter open, and she takes a few seconds to get used to the light. Her gaze stops on my face, a soft smile painted on her lips.

"Good moring."

Just like every word she could say, it's soft and mesmerizing. A powerful feeling runs through my whole body at those words, and suddenly it feels like I need more. I always need more of her.

I look at her completely silent and I realize... It's too late, Shawn. You're already addicted, she's in your system now, and seeing her leave once again would destroy you.

In other words, you're fucked.

Now she's in me,

And I can't let her go.

I start to think I love the pain. Look how much she's made you suffer, Shawn. And you still believe she can heal your scars and fresh wounds ? Come on. Wake up, bud... She will poison you. She already does actually, consuming you from the inside.

But it's well-known right... A heart is more powerful than a brain.

"I want you back, Y/N."

She's in my life again.

But she won't ever win.

Wait... she did win.

¤¤¤

Really short story but I love this song so much.