La Cosa Nostra

Chapter 19

This chapter is going to be in Luciano's POV for a change.

"Salyut" I clink my glass of vodka with Nikolai and take a sip. We were alone in my office, discussing a few private matters and just catching up with each other. I've known Nikolai since I was a kid. Our fathers were close allies and Nikolai and I had become close friends over the years. We met up for a drink every now and then but ever since we took over as heads of our respective mafias, it had gotten increasingly rare. Nikolai was also extra busy now since his wife Victoria was pregnant.

"How has everything been with you, rodnoy brat?"
"It's been okay, fratello. How is Victoria?"
His face lights up and his face breaks out in a huge grin as he talks about his wife. I can't help but feel slightly envious of him. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier for them. Victoria was the sweetest person but also feisty enough to keep Nikolai in check. The both of them were perfect for each other and now with the baby on the way, I knew they would make the perfect family. I just longed for the day where I could have what they had.
Oh stop being a cazzo. You know that day has come.
I tune out my subconscious and focus my attention on Nikolai.
"She's doing amazing. The pregnancy has been tiring but she's so happy and glowing. But oh god, the cravings. Do you know she woke me up at 3 in the morning because she was craving pickles? She hates pickles so we never have any in the house. I had to go around town to find a store that's open at that hour and get her pickles."
I laugh, imagining Victoria yelling at Nikolai to hurry up and get her pickles. Nikolai scowls. "Laugh while you can. When Alessa does the same to you, only then will you understand. Goddamn they can be so scary. One minute she wants to have sex and the next, she's yelling and crying for no reason."
I shake my head in amusement before stopping, my brain registering the second part of his sentence.
"Hold up, Alessa?"
Nikolai just rolls his eyes at me. "I swear the two of you are the stubbornest people on earth. I know you like her you idiot."
I roll my eyes,"For the last time, the two of us aren't together asshole."
"That's because you're a dick."
"Thank you." I say drily.
"You're welcome. You need to man up and ask her out."
"Nikolai, we work together. That's it."
"How long are you gonna keep lying to yourself huh? I saw the way you reacted when I brought up Mikhail. You were jealous."
"I was not jealous. Besides, she wouldn't go for him." I grit my teeth thinking about Alessa and Mikhail together.
Nikolai raises his eyebrow, smirking.
"Why not?"
"Look, Mikhail is just as much a brother to me as you are but he's a playboy. He's never gonna settle down, not this young anyway."
"He will when he meets the right person and Alessa might just be that girl. I'm not gonna lie, Luciano. If Alessa and Mikhail do get together, I will be their number one supporter. Alessa is like a younger sister to me and Victoria and having her officially become part of the family would be incredible. Not to mention, the skill set that she would bring to the table would be a major win for me."
I stay silent, hating the thought of Alessa leaving.
Nikolai just watches me thoughtfully before I speak.
"I fucked up."
"I know."
I glance at him, "she told you?"
He shakes his head, "She never tells anyone anything. But no one can miss the tension between the two of you."
"It was after the Dexter Williams assignment. I just, I lost it. I got so mad and she was arguing back and I just..Fuck, I put my hands on her. I never put my hands on a lady unless she is a threat to me or my family."
Nikolai's face turns red with anger, "you're lucky you're a close friend of mine or else you would be dead right now."
"Trust me, everyone has given me hell about it but no one can beat my own subconscious. She didn't even fight back, she just glared at me with so much fury and...hate."
"I'm glad you feel bad about it but she doesn't hate you Luciano."
I let out a cynical laugh.
"She won't even look at me anymore Nikolai. I don't blame her, I can't even look at myself anymore."
"You hate it when she calls you Don don't you?"
"I don't know what I feel anymore. I will deny this if you ever say anything but she scares me."
Nikolai bursts out in laughter and I stare at him offended.
"I-I'm sssorry but you being s..scared of someone is hilarious."
"Please, don't tell me she doesn't scare you a little."
Nikolai's face turns grim as he seemingly recalls a memory.
"She does. Victoria terrifies me if we're being honest."
I laugh, knowing it's true.
"Luciano, can I give you some advice?"
"You'll give it anyway."
"True. You're an arrogant, grumpy,-"
"You're full of compliments today."
"-Stubborn bastard who's an asshole most of the time but you're also one of the kindest, most sincere person I've met. You're incredibly protective of your family and you treat your men with kindness and respect. I know for a fact that you will make an incredible husband and an even more amazing father if you give yourself a chance. If you told me 2 years ago that I would be happily married with a kid on the way, I would have laughed at you."
"I would have laughed with you to be honest."
"Victoria is my life. That is the scariest thing yet the greatest part of my life. Women like Alessa and Victoria are treasures, Luciano. If you don't get your shit together, they will leave and that will be the biggest mistake you will ever make. We need someone to ground us and bring out the human side in us after all the violence yet be strong enough to protect the family and deal with this life. Tell me, does Alessa do that for you?"
I don't even realise I'm nodding in agreement till I see the smile on Nikolai's face.
"Alessa is someone you want next to you on the battlefield, not opposite you. She's been through so much, so don't play with her feelings unless you're sure of what you want."
"I respect her too much to do that. One of the reasons I've kept my distance is because of that. I'm not a good person, Nikolai. She deserves much better than me."
"Oh spare me the bullshit. That is not your decision to make. You don't get to decide what's good for her and what's not. Let her make that choice."
I take another gulp of my vodka, wincing at the burning sensation it leaves as it flows down my throat.
"Was she always like this? When you first met her?"
Nikolai smiles sadly, shaking his head.
"She was the same feisty, sarcastic spitfire but she was less..cold. I met her before Connor..kidnapped her. She was never the same after that."
"That son of a bitch is gonna pay for what he's done. To her and everyone else."
Nikolai nods fiercely, "He doesn't stand a chance this time. I will never forgive him for what he did to her. You know, she shut us all out after she escaped?"
"Why?"
"I will never understand how her mind works. When I found out that she had turned herself in, I went to Thomas and we came up with a rescue plan. But she escaped just as we arrived at the mansion. Bruised and bloodied, three broken ribs, a fractured arm and multiple stab wounds. To this day, I have no idea how she managed to jump down from a second floor balcony, take down multiple guards and scale a wall."

I stare at Nikolai in half awe and half shock.
"She's a fighter."
"She is. She's also a survivor which makes her an excellent assassin but when it comes to just being her, she's lost. She thinks with her head more than her heart. You need to understand, Alessa has never truly had anyone be there for her. Yes, Thomas raised her and I know he cares for her but not as a daughter. She was never his first priority, the CCC was and still is. Being brought up in this world, loneliness and being emotionless is all she's ever known. When Victoria was kidnapped, I lost my shit. I was snapping at everyone and not sleeping. One day, Alessa stormed into my office and told me off. Trust me, I was too shocked to react. No one other than my mother and Victoria have spoken to me like that but I will forever be grateful for that scolding. She told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. And that made me snap out of my self destructive state of mind and focus on getting my fiancée back."
He sighs almost in frustration and exasperation.
"After she was released from the hospital, I begged her to come stay with me and Victoria so that we could look after her. She refused, insisted that she wanted to be at her apartment. Me, Mikhail and Victoria would come over daily to check up on her but she had already started to shut us out. She wouldn't talk about what happened, barely ate or slept yet she just pretended like everything was normal. Like she hasn't just gone through a traumatic experience. When her injuries healed, she jumped straight back into work and just drowned herself in it. She stopped coming over, stopped reaching out. I know she blamed herself for what happened to Isabelle and Isaac. Perhaps she thinks that if she isolates herself from everyone, she can keep them safe."

"She still does. Blame herself."
Nikolai looks at me, eyes widening.
"She spoke to you about them?"
I nod, "I know she doesn't get much sleep. She's always in the backyard early in the morning. She doesn't know that I barely sleep too so one morning, I came down and we just started talking. That was the most vulnerable I've ever seen her. It pained me to see her like that. She's always so sure of herself, this mischievous glint in her eyes that draws you in. To see her so..broken that night, she's punishing herself. I've seen how she shuts off when she realises that she's happy or having fun. She did the same thing when my parents came over. I know my mum and sister can be overwhelming but she was almost shocked that my parents liked her."
"I don't know how to get through to her. Believe me, I've tried. We all have but her poker face is flawless."
"It is. I thought mine was too but she sees right through me."
Nikolai laughs. "You are whipped my friend. Absolutely screwed and I couldn't be happier for you."
I roll my eyes at him, shoving his shoulder playfully.
"Whatever you say old man."
He scowls at me, mumbling "Yeah, the two of you are perfect for each other. Just perfect."