i need you | wroetoshaw

9

simon arrived home from daisy's flat, in last nights clothes, hungover and confused. kicking off his shoes by the door, being greeted by an overly excited jj, "bro i gotta know everything!" he wrapped his arm around simon's shoulder.

"yeah, soon. i'm gonna shower." he groaned, heading towards his room and slamming the door behind him. "fuck sakes." he sighed, throwing his jacket to the floor, not caring about his belongings in his pockets which scattered across the floor. he switched on his playlist, playing 'intro - the xx' as he melted into the warmth of the shower, running his finger tips through his hair and attempting to relax. but he couldn't. he wanted to remain there forever, to not move, stay there for eternity and avoid the rest of the world. 'how can she not remember anything', he sighed to himself, leaning his head against the glass of the shower. 'does she not want me?'.

finally deciding to leave his room, he realised how long he had showered for. 40 minutes. he couldn't forget about her warmth, her embrace as he eloped into the heat of the water and he couldn't bring himself to leave it. they were so similar. jj remained on the sofa waiting for him, desperate to hear the events of his best friends night. he was rooting for daisy and simon.

"hi.", simon placed himself opposite jj, lifting his hood over head and wrapping his arms around himself. the sudden cold air hitting him, like when he feels when he's no longer holding her.

"so." jj giggled, intrigued. "what happened?"

simon slowly cleared his throat, almost not wanting to speak of it as his stomach twisted into a knot. "we kissed at the club, you know after she smashed that glass when she had spoken to harry an - "

"oh yeah, why did he shout?" jj furrowed his eyebrows, curious. "isn't that like the first time they've spoke since like... january?" he questioned.

"yeah i think so. i encouraged her to cause you know? we've all been trying to help." jj nodded in agreement, "so she did and he lashed out, i think he's mad about me and daisy or something like that. it made no sense, he fucked her over and she needed someone so here i am." he gestured to himself. "so i took her outside to the smoking area, it was cold and she was panicking so i wrapped myself around her and we kissed. i think it was just in the moment, but freya and josh caught us." he laughed softly.

"simon, it can't have been 'in the moment'", he made air quotes, "if you shagged her."

"well i don't know, she got too drunk and asked if i could take her home, so i did. jj she doesn't remember anything and i remember everything. once we were back, i wiped her makeup off for her and she kissed me again as i was doing so. she had slightly sobered up by this point and it just sort of happened. i told her that i don't know if it's a good idea because we're friends, but she said something about how everyone tells her they see the way i look at her. it was strange. anyways, one thing led to another and it just happened." he looked down at his lap, ignoring the lump forming in his throat. he attempted to clear it away.

"do you like her?"

"what?" simon instantly looked up, staring at jj who had concern in his eyes.

"we all see the way you look at her bro, you love her.". simon scoffed at jj's answer, unaware it was so obvious.

"hmm, maybe." he exhaled, "i don't know if she feels the same. i don't want to ruin anything either. but she's always on my mind bro, i just feel like she see's friendship, understandable i guess? it's just so frustrating and harry doesn't help. i get it, he got fucking cheated on, but he's being such a fucking pussy. it's like he only wants her even though he fucked her over all this time ago." he ranted, rage filling him. suddenly there was a knock at the door. josh.

"you alright?" jj questioned, closing the door behind josh.

"yeah, i just feel like there's some shit you need to know simon." he sat himself next to simon, almost out of breath like he had ran up the stairs to their floor. "on monday night, harry went to daisy's, he needed to talk to her or some shit, he cried to her about being cheated on and she shouted at him, telling him how angry she is and erm and then at yours she got a bit upset because she's scared things won't be the same and i just feel like you'd want to know because you probably have no idea and now i feel really snakey and" josh waffled.

"oh right," simon cut him mid sentence "yeah thanks. that's weird." he looked over to jj, "i thought the first time she spoke to him was last night at the club."

"nope. honestly, it's probably not that deep and she's just confused because she's been so fucked over, you know?" josh gave simon a small smile, "i wouldn't deep it mate, i just thought you should know. i don't know anything else, i think freya is sworn to secrecy now." he tapped simon on the shoulder, lifting himself up. "maybe try talk to her?" he waved at the two boys who sat staring at him in confusion as he left.

"yeah maybe." simon mumbled under his breath, aiming to distract himself as he switched on the tv and direct his attention to football. by half time, he still could not stop thinking about her. his mind was racing. why didn't she tell him? is that why she rushed to leave on monday night? what is she so afraid of? "should i text her?" he turned to jj who sat scrolling through his phone.

"i mean yeah, but she's with ethan right now." directing his phone towards simon, showing him ethan's instagram story.

"ah right, probably pizza night." he glanced at the phone, "fuck it." he sighed, remembering how often daisy uses that phrase. he remembers the time he asked daisy why she used that phrase so often and that she responded by saying she was so inspired by the character chris from 'skins', how he always used the phrase and do what you want to do regardless of anything and to remember that sometimes it is an excuse to not face things in life that you should face.

to Dais
can we talk?

he grazed his finger over the send button realising he is doing what he wants to do, debating with himself as to whether he should send it and without thought, quickly pressed the button, throwing the phone down next to him. and then it pinged.

from Dais
can we talk tomorrow? i'm tired

simon sighed, scanning over the message. "i guess she doesn't wanna talk." looking over to jj, tears almost welling up in his eyes.

"she will tal-", jj didn't even fully respond as simon had dragged his whole body weight to his room, slamming the door behind him, leaving jj feeling sorry for his best friend.

he threw himself onto his bed, wrapping himself up in the warmth, but he can never be completely warm unless she is around. turning off his phone completely, he turned his attention to his tv, switching on a movie praying that these thoughts would go away. please go away. please be mine.