To heal is to feel

The sounds

The sound of the familiar call of the crows is my alarm to wake up. The snow beneath me is so cold that everything in me feels cold ,as well. It has been days, weeks, a month maybe. I miss them. I miss them so much. 

Every day would be a mixture of hunger and coldness. I'll find food some of the time. Every few weeks if I'm lucky. All I've seen since that night of terror  are abandoned things and filled up animals.

I envy them. The animals, I mean they can eat anything they wanted. After, they feel no regret. I wish I could do that, especially now. 

My arms feel like carrot sticks, that could snap at any moment, as I use them to get me up to my knees.  I sit with my knees underneath me and my cold, numb hands tucked between my thighs. I let out a sigh and watch as fog comes out. Cool.

I shake my head and watch as snow falls over my face and down to the ground. Having ice stuck in your big , frizzy hair isn't exactly all too comfortable either.

I hear the sound of the crows again, closer. I look slowly to the side to see a couple on a branch. Watching me. I look back towards the tress in front of me. I knew that it was almost time to get up and run again. Just like every other day till night fall comes and I stop.

I wonder if I would sleep in a tree or on the snow tonight.

I hear my stomach grumble and look down at my stomach, but it was covered with a long sleeve that went to my knees. I found it in a car a while back. It's okay. 

A scratchy feeling erupts in my throat and I can't help but let out throaty coughs. When will this end? I want this to end. Whatever this is.

I hear the crunch of grass behind me and slowly stand on my carrot legs. It takes them a while to function so I could turn around. When I do, whatever breathing I had left slowly ceased. Right in front of me, was a fuming ,fluffy, big dog.

I couldn't kill it because I had nothing, only my hands. And I didn't want to kill it in the first place. So, I did what I knew to do. I turned around and took off in a sprint. I could hear it following right behind me.

Shit shit shit shit.

My stupid feet trip on a bulky twig, causing me to roll down a pile of snow that was coming up with out me knowing. I roll and roll till I'm on my back. Starring up at the cold sun. That is until I hear the dogs growls again. 

I'm on my feet as fast as I could've been and looking up at it on the hill. Looking down at me with dark and hungry eyes.

Me too, buddy. 

It starts to bark now. His barks shooting at me through air. He barks and barks and barks so much and so loud that I have to cover my ears. Now I just hear the faint sound of the dogs growls and barks mix with a water sound.

"Shut up!" I roar loudly at the dog. Using my voice for the first time since I was with the group. It gets loud, so loud that I think anything could hear it from miles away. I look around me. All there was , from I could see, was snow trapping me in what used to be a lake? It was frozen. And I was standing on it.

I knew that if I stepped to hard on the ice that it would crack. And the barking dog above me was loud enough to signal as many walkers there was near by.  So, I had two dangerous options. Wait the dog out, which won't be till walkers get here two and come to get me. Or be careful enough to climb the other side of the world. It looked like the frozen creek went long enough that the dog can't get me. 

I'll be as safe as I was before. Not safe.

Okay. I take a deep breath and then let it go, as if letting go of some air inside me will make me lighter. Please, don't crack. I say in my head and I'm not sure if I meant me or the thin ice.  My right foot seems to be working first, then my right, left, right, left... I'm almost there. 

Two more steps. Just as I place my right foot down on the thin ice, I hear a little cracking sound. The sound gets louder and louder. Oh, please no.  I look down to see tiny speaks of white appearing around me and beneath me. Shit.

"Help!" The words leave my sore throat before I feel ice scrapping my carrot legs.  It happens to suddenly that I don't know if I should feel the pain on my lower legs or the panic in my chest. I feel both. I don't have to cover my ears to hear the sound of the water anymore.

"Help!" I scream but it muffled by the water entering my lungs. Too much. Too cold. The stinging pain in my nose makes me believe that I was bleeding from it. I try to breath air but I end up breathing waves of water.

My stinging eyes couldn't be open for much longer or they'll freeze out. I had to close them but I couldn't. 

As I feel myself floating away, I see something, a shadow of a person, jump through the hole of light where I was dropped into the water from. It turns its head around and around looking for something, for someone. The shadow of the person stops when it's found my body. 

I feel my arms moving through the water. Reaching for it. It moved towards me after I did so like it was being chased by walkers. As the shadow swam towards me , it sent waves of water towards me, causing my body to move backwards.

I let it. Because I couldn't do anything else. I could feel the tips of my fingers start to tingle. I could feel everything in me being suffocated with water. I let the feeling of fear and panic spread through me as my head started to ring.

I saw hands reaching towards the shadow but it wasn't looking at them, only me. I opened my mouth to speak towards the shadow but nothing could come out. It was like my brain stopped working , as well as my body. 

My eyes felt like frozen carrots that would snap out of my sockets at any moment.

I closed them. I closed them and let out one last water sigh before the ringing in my head got louder and louder.  I felt something grab my by the shoes but I couldn't muster up the strength to look down. I felt it push me down and down.

This is it, isn't it. This is how I end. 

I open my eyes wide for one last time to see that the shadow was only feet away from me but I didn't have hope. I don't have anything.

I shut my eyes and I'm already gone.