tw: mentions of cancer
-this is a flashback chapter; please be kind to yourself
song; soon you'll get better // taylor swift ft the chicks
margot xx
"Nana!" I yell running through the back door making my way through the house trying to find her. "I'm in here sweets," I hear her say from the living room. I run back out of the front door and see Harry still sitting on the blanket under the willow tree.
I walk up to him as he softly strums the guitar I got him for his graduation gift a couple of years ago. "Hey Nana is in the living room, should we sing her the song?" I raise my eyebrows at him when he turns around towards me. We finally just finished this song we wrote for her. Every song we write we end up singing for her, but this one had to be perfect.
Nana may be my grandma but she is also like a grandma to Harry since he doesn't have any grandparents here in the states.
When she was diagnosed with cancer four months ago, it took a toll on both Harry and I. But, he made sure not to let me know the pain I know he is in. I think we are both so scared to say something and scared for the outcome of the treatment.
She hates talking about it, even when we join her at her appointments she never utters the word. She just says "it's medicine I need so I can be better for my babies." Nana is so soft and delicate that sometimes I think she forgets that me and Harry aren't the kids we were. I think we will always be babies to her in her eyes.
"Yeah! Is she in good spirits today?" I shrug as I grab my guitar, "It sounded like it so I guess we will see." We walk into the house leaving our other things out there knowing we will be back out there later. We are always at our tree.
I walk into the living room, Harry following me and Nana is sitting on the couch with her romance book while the Hallmark station is playing on the tv. "Hey Nan, we have a song that we have been working on." She looks up from her book and smiles while taking her glasses off. Putting the bookmark in the book to hold her spot she sits it on the glass coffee table. "Wanna hear it Margie?" Harry asks and she laughs slightly.
"You know I do!" She cheers and we both smile at each other. I sit down in the chair that is diagonal from Nana as Harry sits on the couch next to her. "Before we sing, this song is for the strongest woman we have ever known." I say as I situate my guitar.
Harry clears his throat before he starts strumming the melody and I start playing along with him. I start to sing.
The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair
In doctor's-office-lighting, I didn't tell you I was scared
That was the first time we were there
Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you
Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too
And I say to you
Nana has never shown how she feels with the diagnosis. I don't think she ever will, and I don't know if she's doing that for me or herself.
Harry joins in to harmonize with me for the chorus.
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, you'll get better soon
'Cause you have to
Harry takes over on this verse.
I know delusion when I see it in the mirror
You like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal
I just pretend it isn't real
I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky
I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try
And I'll say to you
You know how they say that animals or kids just know when something just isn't quite right? I think anyone can; especially when it's someone that you have grown up with. I know Nana all too well, maybe more than she knows herself.
She's sick, but she's fighting and she's fighting hard.
I try to look the other way and pretend not to notice how much treatment is affecting her body. I try to pretend that no Nana doesn't have cancer. That it's just a sick and cruel messed up joke.
I join Harry harmonizing him for the chorus.
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, you'll get better soon
'Cause you have to
She has more bad days then good and she still tries to not let it affect her. Those nights I stay up the whole night cursing at God. So confused as to why Nana is sick. Why Nana? I will never understand.
I take over for the first half of the bridge.
And I hate to make this all about me
But who am I supposed to talk to?
What am I supposed to do
If there's no you?
I can't help wondering what would happen if I didn't have her. I don't have a mom, a dad, or a sibling. I have Harry and Nana. What happens if Nana leaves? Would Harry leave me too?
Harry joins in for the second half of the bridge. This is the first time I am looking at Nana since we began singing to her. Her bright blue eyes glossed over.
This won't go back to normal, if it ever was
It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because
'Cause I have to
For the last chorus we both sing together deciding not to harmonize.
Ooh-ah, you'll get better
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, you'll get better soon
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, soon you'll get better
Ooh-ah, you'll get better soon
'Cause you have to
Once we finish the song and stop playing we both look at Nana. She sniffles, "don't worry babies, I am not going anywhere."
YOU ARE READING
pearl {hs}
FanfictionShe loved him. He left her. After a tragic death Harry Styles comes back to the place he once called home. But, what he was not expecting was her not wanting anything to do with him. True love is a lot like pearls; rare and beautiful.
