The beauty of chapters: I thought he was the one

Chapter 28

I got home about three hours ago, ate the food Michael gave me, took a shower then laid face up on the bed until finally deciding to try and fix my notes when I couldn't find sleep. It was almost ten in the evening, Kira was snoring under her sheets and I was stuck with my phone flashlight and barely finished sentences in my note book.

I couldn't put together any sentences or even try to understand the subject on the websites I found online, but I couldn't just put the notes away either. Finding sleep was not going to be easy so I might as well take advantage of it. The only issue was that it wasn't working. At least my head-ache was gone.

I turned off my flashlight, slumped into bed and proceed to go through WhatsApp statuses until one in particular caught my eye. It was a distorted photo Michael had posted yesterday and left up. I wondered if he was still awake. I knew that my excitement to talk to him had to do with something else but I'd rather think it was because I wanted to ask if he had notes. The chances were slim but it was still there. He must've at least heard something.

Normally a text would've done the job but I was feeling bold after our last conversation so I called. My nerves had never been so much involved on a phone call before. With every beat it was either a chance of hearing his voice or the line going dead and then the beeping stop.

"Hello."

"Ugh, hi. Did I wake you up?" I half whispered, half spoke, peering over the bed though all I could see was darkness where Kira slept.

"Nah, I was still awake." His voice didn't deny that, despite the rough edge of tiredness that brought out a sexy hoarse deep from within his throat. "What's up? Why are you up at this hour? Isn't it pass your bedtime?"

"Don't play with me right now." I tried to sound firm to hide the smile in my voice. "I'm trying to sort my notes out and was wondering if you had any."

I couldn't finish my explanation before he chuckled into the phone. "Come on, Dubraska, through all the excuses you could use."

"It's not an excuse, I'm being serious. Why else would I call you?"

"Maybe the same reason why I answered. Cuz you wanted to hear my voice." The last sentence came out low, mixed with uncertainty and hope. But it couldn't be that, it was surely humour, he teasing me that I misheard as hope.

"Right." Sarcasm. "So I'm guessing you don't have anything then."

"Nah, I don't even remember what we were talking about."

"Oh."

That set the conclusion for our phone call but neither of us hung up. Apart for our shallow breaths, the phone went silent for a minute. Then he spoke again. "You don't have to hang up if you don't want to."

"I don't want to." I admitted.

"I don't want you too either."

There was a pause of silence again. Not awkward, not knowing what to say silence but welcoming, a part of the conversation silence. "May I ask why you are still awake? Do you not have a bed time?"

"My brain just takes longer to fall asleep. So I either just lay in bed staring at the ceiling or gaze at passing vehicles outside."

I know the feeling. "Some liquor would help."

He chuckled. "I'm already working on it. There's something else that would work better."

My mind went to the only place that every other mind went, but I still had fake innocence. "What's that?"

"When you're older I'll tell you." That's the confirmation I needed.

"It's something dirty, isn't it?"

"Of course not, Dubraska. You're the one who watched porn not me."

I cringed. I had a feeling I wasn't gonna leave down to that for a while. "Ok, what is it then?"

"I'll tell you when you're older. There's no need to hurry, I'm not going anywhere."

"Hmm. I'll take that as a promise."

He scoffed. "The guys are coming over to my place on Saturday by the way. Like last time, I'll take you home afterwards."

"Saturday is when I'm supposed to visit home."

"You can pass by after."

We stayed on phone till early in the morning, talking about things that didn't really held any deep meaning but yet I remembered every details, especially the last thing he said before we hung up.

Sleep was strong on my eyelids, the will to stay awake was strong but so was the exhaustion on my body. I just laid on my side with the phone down on my pillow, fighting to keep my eyes awake.

"Are you asleep?" his voice was even lower than when we first started talking. In my mind I answered but in the real world I guess I didn't cuz he kept talking.

"If you are, you're not gonna hear this but, I appreciate you. If a car passes by really quick, I'll wish on it like a wishing star that nothing will ever happen that will make me break my promise of not leaving." He struggled to finish the sentence, almost like words chocked him on the way out and there was a long paused before he spoke again. "I know that you called cuz you couldn't sleep. And if that ever happens again, you can always call, I'll be awake. I'll lose sleep for the both of us. Good night."

...

My eyelids were still heavy; sleep was still threatening to push me down but I was smiling. The sound of his voice was the first thing on my mind when I woke up, secondly was when did I start liking the feeling of butterflies.

I had a giant grin on my face all the way from the showers to the bedroom, so big Kira had to ask what the good news was.

"Nothing. I just woke up in a good mood."

She was still under the sheets, looking at me with squinted eyes from the early sun flooding through the cracks in the window. "Really? so it had nothing to do with the person you were talking to last night?"

Oh no. I could've sworn I was whispering really low. "Did I disturb your sleep?"

She shook her head. "Was it Michael?" her voice haltered to a high pitch as she said his name and for some reason she suddenly avoided eye contact with me, staring at the floor. Maybe this was the proper look of shame when people felt like they were prying.

But she wasn't prying. "Ya." Admitting to it felt strangely nice and guilty at the same time. Like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing but it brought me great happiness.

"Do you like him?"

It was weird seeing a girl like Kira who was so bold and extroverted get shy to the point of staring at the ground but I liked it because it meant I could look at her instead of shying away. "Ya." I confessed, once again was that strange, foreign feeling. "I'm confused though."

"There's no reason for you to be." The lack of enthusiasm in her voice showed that I did have a reason. "Feelings are simple. We're the ones who make it complicated by overthinking. Did you tell him?"

"No. Of course not."

"Why not? There's a chance he might like you back. Shoot your shot, you never know what might happen." With that she turned the other side to go back to sleep.

Did I want a shot though?

I liked him but that was it. I was still in college and I didn't believe in love at that age. What did a nineteen year old know about relationships? It was just a crush. Telling him will do nothing other than make things awkward because I knew he didn't feel the same way.

He couldn't have, not when his break up was still fresh.

Besides, feelings come and go. I wasn't gonna entertain any ideas.