Alex Carter: A Red Band Society Fanfiction

In the Outside World

"So what time's your game this Saturday, Finley?" 

Emma's younger sister paused, swallowing her bite before responding. "3 o'clock, but we're playing Lincoln, so we're totally going to get destroyed," she stated, as if this was an indisputable fact.

Emma tried to focus on the conversation, but the sound of utensils clinking and people eating seemed magnified. She was carefully cutting up the chicken on her plate, deciding it would be easier to attempt than the mashed potatoes. 

"You will with that attitude," her father responded, chuckling. "Hey, do you want to practice your serve after dinner?"

Emma continued to ignore the potatoes, and how much of an imposition they were on her keeping a clear mind. 

"Sure," Finn replied, excited at the prospect. 

"Maybe Emma could give you a few pointers," her dad continued, turning to Emma, who quickly tuned back into the conversation at the sound of her name. She looked over at her father in surprise. "You were always great at volleyball," he encouraged. 

"I haven't played in years," she stated, pausing her cutting to engage. 

"Well, it'll come back to you," he said confidently. 

Emma toyed with the idea in her brain, happily lost in thought. 

"You're not leaving until you clean your plate, Emma," her mother's voice cut across from her end of the table. 

Emma turned to look at her in shock. She knew what she was doing, trying to speak firmly to establish clear expectations, but with a gentle tone so as to not spook her into defiance. It wasn't working. None of it would work, any tactic her mother would try in her treatment, no doubt suggested through one of her groups, would be pointless. Her mother lost the privilege of being a part of Emma's growth when she stopped showing up for her in the hospital. So Emma simply turned back to her plate, panic rattling inside her behind a carefully neutral expression. 

She couldn't react, or else her mother would think that Emma wasn't better, and it would make everyone overreact, with Emma winding back in the hospital. But now the contents of her plate looked menacing as ever, and Emma hated the way her brain taunted her over chicken and potatoes. She had already eaten the green beans, and hated the way even chewing them had felt. She wanted so badly to just spit them out, but instead she forced her jaw to continue its repetitive motion. 

"Caroline," her father began. 

Her mother was not going to stop. "I spoke to your doctors and I haven't given you any more than what you're used to eating there." 

Emma could feel her mother's eyes boring into her, making her feel like a spectacle. "Mom, this is a lot more," Emma responded, turning to look at her mother. 

"We can call them right now," she replied, keeping with this firm yet cautious tone of voice that was driving Emma crazy. 

A sigh was heard from the other end of the table. "May I please be excused," Finn stated. 

It tore at Emma, to hear her sister respond with such exasperation. She was pushing everybody apart, and she couldn't stop. 

Emma looked back over to her mother pleadingly. 

"No," her father stated, responding to Finn's request. "This is our first family dinner in a long time, and we are all going to sit together and eat, like a family." He turned to Emma, and she couldn't meet his eyes. "Please, Emma. Try," he said. 

It was just not that easy. Try? Try what, exactly? Try to finish her plate, try to eat like a member of a normal family? Try to ignore the nagging feeling that no matter what she did, eat or not eat, she was betraying herself? But Emma simply smiled, and said, "Sure."