Alex Carter: A Red Band Society Fanfiction

Shirts and Restaurants

Jordi raised his head groggily, blinking the sleep from his eyes. He went to sit up, but felt a weight on his arm. He turned to find its source, and smiled as he saw Alex, asleep. She stirred lightly, and he leaned down, kissing her jaw. Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled at what she saw. He leaned back slightly to meet her gaze, and he was locked in her eyes. She ran her fingers through his hair and down his chest, biting her lip. "You gotta stop that," he muttered, his voice heavy with sleep. "We need to get up, and that is the opposite of productive." She laughed lightly, and rolled off the bed.

She faced the window as she stretched, raising her arms over her head as she stared at the people below them. To Jordi, she looked like an angel in t shirt and shorts. "So what's on the agenda for today?" she asked, spinning around to face him.

"Uh, I've gotta finish the paper for English, and probably have more appointments scheduled," he replied, sitting up and running a hand through his hair.

"And a shirt."

Jordi looked up at her with a confused smile. "What?"

"You're going to need to get a shirt on too, at some point."

He smirked. "Is that all you got from what I just said?"

"No, I just think its the most important," she called, on her way out of the room. She winked at him through the window, and walked out of sight.

...

Emma filled her lungs with air in a desperate attempt to keep her cool. Leo gathered his crutches and took her hand.  He squeezed it gently, and she felt a wave if reassurance. He kissed her cheek in a tender gesture and she looked up to be met with a familiar lopsided grin.  They made their way across the parking lot, moving closer to the looming doors of the restaurant. She  could remember clearly the last time she had been in one. It wasn't difficult  to recall her dash for the bathroom, looking for solitude before her panic attack took over her. She remembered remaining in the thankfully empty room for a long time trying to calm herself, trying to keep her food down. When she finally returned to their table, her family stared at her in concern. She remembered feeling like a caged animal, having people stare at her in fear, as if she was a disgrace, a problem no one knew how to handle. Her sister looked up from the picture she'd been coloring, and her parents shared a brief glance of sadness. Her mother's eyes were the worst. They haunted her for days, and they'd reappear every time her mother visited her in the hospital. They held such pity. Emma hated pity. It may have been for this reason that she hated it, but it was still impossible to stomach nonetheless.

They reached the doors, and it was as if Emma had slipped underwater. She could see Leo waving excitedly at his friends, she could see them lay their eyes on her with an uneasy curiosity. She could barely hear herself speak, but they nodded along as if everything was fine. The waves crashed around her, pulling her deeper, despite her attempts to stay near the surface. She could see everything, but all she could comprehend was the smell of food and rot. She held her breath, trying to keep it all out. She must've ordered a salad, because one was placed in front of her. As the waiter set it down, her vision grew blurry.

She couldn't see Leo watching her with concern. She couldn't see his apologetic smile. She couldn't see his subtle attempts to get his friend to stop talking.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that," Emma said.

"I said how silly of me to not even ask what your story is. What do you have?"

Emma looked over at Leo, desperate for help. He glanced down at his food, silent.

"I am actually in the hospital being treated for anorexia," Emma forced the words out of her mouth.

The two friends stared at her, and Emma was brought back to that awful day she was met with her mother's eyes. The feeling of being a caged animal returned, vivid and painful. The two friends shared what they hoped was a subtle glance and politely excused themselves. Emma watched them walk away, tears brimming in her eyes. "I thought you said you told them about me," she said, her voice low.

Leo looked at her quickly. "I did, I just didn't want them to know you were in the hospital."

"Because it's embarrassing?"

"No, because it's not my place to tell." She looked down again, and Leo's eyes were fixed on her face with concern. "Did I do the wrong thing?" he asked, hesitant.

"No." Emma sighed, and swallowed her tears. "No, you're right."

He smiled a small smile, and held her hand firmly in his. It was the only way he could get through to her.

Leo's friends returned, and ordered what seemed like enough food to feed six. As they all proceeded to eat, Lauren looked at Emma with concern. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied quickly.

"I'm sorry," she said waving her fork around, "I only ask because I really don't know. I mean, like, when you watch us eat, do you feel hungry, or... are you disgusted?"

A deep hatred for this girl brewed in Emma. She never spoke about her disease, and she didn't understand why this girl thought it'd be okay to just ask personal questions that only made her pain worse.

"You know what?" the other friend cut in, "I'm pretty full."

"Me too," Leo rushed.

"I mean is it more about control?" Lauren pressed.

Emma couldn't function. All the noises blared, all the smells swarmed her head.

"Obviously, you're not one of those girls, who reads fashion magazines and thinks that they have to look like some model; who wouldn't even have organs if that were their actual waist."

Emma's vision was blurry, and she looked from Leo to this girl rapidly.

Lauren kept eating and pressed on, unfazed. "I mean, obviously you're smart. I mean, you must get that you're killing yourself with this slow suicide. So, what is this about, for you?"

It was as if she was stepping on a wound, a wound Emma had tried so hard to keep from being noticed. Lauren poked, and prodded, as if Emma was a science experiment, helpless and under the girl's control. Leo looked at her in concern, but Emma barely registered it. She tried to push her feelings down, to clear her head.

"Honestly," she began, "um, just being able to admit the fact that I even have an eating disorder out loud is a huge deal for me."

"Totally," the other, quieter friend offered. "It's like when I was first coming out, it was such a huge step, just to say, 'I'm gay', out loud."

Emma was grateful for the gesture, but then felt as if her opinion was inadequate the moment Lauren cut in. "Seriously? You're comparing being gay to having a disease."

"No, I'm just saying that-"

"You know sometimes I think you and Ethan deserve each other."

"Okay, I thought we were done talking about my-"

"You're right, we are so done..."

Emma and Leo watched the exchange, caught each other's glance. She begged for help with her eyes, and he begged for forgiveness wit his.

"...I'm just saying-"

"You need a new word for Ethan. So sorry, Emma," she added.

The bickering was cut off with Leo standing up abruptly, almost falling over without the support of his crutches. "Well this has been great, but Emma and I really have to go back to the hospital."

"Oh yeah, of course," Lauren added, hinting that she understood the underlying meaning, even though Emma knew she didn't.

Leo paid for their meal and dragged her out of their as fast as possible. Her knight in shining armor, only 10 minutes too late.