FIRST LOVE

Chapter 17

I awoke to the ringing of my cell. I picked up my phone without looking at it and grumpily answered.

"Hello?"

"Oh my gosh, Apples is it true? Did you finally lose your 'virginity'?"

My eyes snapped open when I heard my roommate's voice and then I registered her question. What. The. Hell! What did she mean by finally lost my 'V' card? How did she know? Did Deon tell her? How many more persons knew? Did it reach back to my parents? What. The. Actual. Hell?!

"Rae?" I started cautiously.

"It's a simple question-"

I cut in when she just continued to ramble on, clearly contented with the fact that it might be true.

"Rae!" I shouted to get her attention.

"What?!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh please stop with your innocence. Everyone knows that you did it with Deon so don't you dare deny it."

"I-I... W-wha..." All I could do was stutter.

How did everyone know? Who told them? How fast was the news spreading? Did the lecturers know? Oh my gosh, what if my mom and dad are discussing my punishment at this very moment?
When I realized that it didn't make sense to ask all my questions internally, I directed them to her.

"Why would you think I lost it to him? Or anyone for that matter?"

"I heard it through the grapevine." She said causally.

"What!"

The grapevine is a section of our school's newspaper run by Anna; so not only did Rae of all persons know that I lost my virginity but now the entire school knew. And not only did every student read the papers but the lecturers and the principal.

Yup, I said it. The PRINCIPAL, also known as, my mother.

My life was officially ruined. It was now time to call a taxi, go to the bank, withdraw all my savings and flee the 'scene of the crime' also referred to as my life. I shut off my cell and turned off the tv as I headed to my room. Closing the door behind me I searched for Deon's number and called him. The phone rang out and every time I tried calling him after, it kept going to voicemail.

He was avoiding me.

I knew he was avoiding me because I looked out my window and saw it was dark and my bedside clock told me it was after six. So that meant everyone was eating dinner or doing anything else than sitting in class. That also meant he was the one that told everybody. I knew I shouldn't trust him but like a hormonal fool I did. I subjected myself to him and was dumb enough to let him use me.

When I knew that continuous calls to his phone was futile I got up and headed into the bathroom. Taking showers always seemed to make me feel better. The way the hot water seemed to penetrate and smoothen out the subsurface of my skin and an energetic moan always seemed to be released from my mouth. Being under the shower felt like I hadn't gotten the chance to bathe in two months after strenuous exercise and letting dirt buildup, then finally being able to strip off the clothes and turn the tap on.

I re-entered my room, took off the clothing I had on this morning and threw them into my wash basin. Since I was the only one home and nobody was going to pop unexpectedly into my room, I was able to move freely and strut about in my birthday suit.

I stood under the shower and turned on the tap. Instantly the tiny enclosed room was starting to fill up with steam. I inhaled the fresh scent of the room and started to lather my skin. When I reached my genitalia I sucked in a sharp breath as I felt a pain shoot up my body.

What the...

I gingerly examined the pained area. It was swollen and numb and the slightest touch felt as though an iron, heated to the extreme, was being pressed against me. Biting into my bottom lip I tried once more to clean myself without crying. After a few long minutes my task had been completed.

I shook my head. Not only did he use me and then had it advertised in the school's newspaper but now he had assaulted my body and caused me harm. Instinctively, my mind, body and soul felt a deep hatred towards him. He was now officially the worst human being in the history of worst human beings. This is the second time that I've been hurt by him and and the second time I felt my world crumbling before me.

My temples began to pain and I braced my head against the tile of the shower, allowing the water to cover me completely. It was a mixture of my tears and water all mixed into one. My brain became assaulted by the memories of my past and present. Visions from way back in my childhood, of my innocence and free will. Of my willingness to see the good in everyone and trust that there was no evil in the world. Visions of how much I loved to learn and discover new things.

Exploring was always in my blood and although I was a 'safe' person, I always had that edge for danger. I wanted to experience nature and not only learn about it. As much as I loved my studies and proving theories, I also loved the practicals and being able to understand and put myself in the place of some of my favorite writers, authors and philosophers.

Now, now I knew I could not have both. Everything wasn't created or meant for everyone. Some people had the skills and art to perfect certain tasks while others perfected mediocrity. That was what I needed to do. Instead of putting myself back out there I would create such a shell that it would become impossible for anyone to ever penetrate it.

When the water changed from warm to brutally cold and I couldn't take it any longer I shut off the tap and stepped out. When I finished dressing I tried my utmost to focus on the upcoming competition but the words that Rae said kept popping into my mind. After trying and failing to read one line, I finally gave up.

I picked up my phone to go on social media and just distract myself when I noticed a bunch of missed calls from Deon and over a dozen messages. Angrily I deleted them, refusing to give in to my heart's desire of what they could contain.