Secret Agents: My Savior

09 Forgive

Enzo

She's quiet. Again.

I force myself to not glance at her every minute, but it's hard to. Not only because she looks damn beautiful in that white blouse and these black pants, with her hair naturally curled, long, and red, but because I can't seem to read her mind.

I don't know what she's thinking. Her face doesn't give away any of her thoughts, and I once could tell what she was thinking by a simple look.

Alex is slowly pushing me away.

No. I did. I pushed her away, I left, and that's when I lost her.

At the next red light, I glance at her again. Her shoulders tense, and she keeps her gaze out the window when she speaks.

"You're staring at me."

My lips curl upwards in a soft smile. "I can't help it," I reply truthfully.

Her head whirls towards me and her eyes widen slightly. I'm confusing her. I know it. Hell, I'm confusing myself.

I grit my teeth and look away. I knew what I was doing when I took the worst decision of my life, two years ago. I knew it was a mistake, but I did it anyway because I'm a fucking idiot.

I can't just come back in her life and act like I've never left her. But here I am. I can't just tell her how I feel, what I feel for her, because I don't have the right anymore, and I need to remember that.

But can I do that? Can I stay away from her, now that I need to be around her all the time, to make sure she stays safe? And more importantly, do I want to stay away and keep my thoughts to myself?

Fuck, no.

I'm fucking selfish. I know it. I became what I didn't want to be, all because of that one decision—

"The light is green, Enzo," her soft voice brings me back to reality, the reality where she is sitting next to me, and I blink.

I like her voice, and how she says my name. God, I fucking—

I clench the steering wheel tightly until I park in front of my apartment building a few minutes later. Silence settles around us, and a minute passes before Alex unbuckles her seatbelt, opening her door.

I watch her. She looks tired. I had all day to watch her while she worked. I noticed her smiling a couple of times today, and it fucking made me happy. I want her to do it more often, but with me, even with the circumstances.

Selfish, again.

Selfish, because now it seems like I only think about me and what I want. But what about her? Does she want me to be around her?

No.

If I can bring Cole Valdez, that son of a bitch, down, then everything will be back to normal. If Alex doesn't want me in her life—and she already made it clear that she doesn't want me to be around her—then I'll do what she wants. Like leaving.

I'll do anything for her.

*

Alex