Wedding Bells | ✔

19

Wedding Bells

Chapter 19

*Carter's POV*

David was right. I knew it in my heart too as I pulled out of the parking lot. There was no getting out of this. This was something Erin and I would have to sit down and talk about. The more I felt horrible about it the worse things were going to get. I'll have to explain to her all of my stress about taking care of her. Maybe she would understand, and it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Maybe she wouldn't care as much as I do and we would be able to just move on from this. I would finally be excited for the baby to come.

Even though I have months to wait, I'd be able to prepare, and mentally accept it.

All of that would only happen after I talked to her though. After we sat down and really spoke about our feelings. I realized I was so selfish and I never asked her how she felt about the whole thing.

Was she mad her body was going to be ruined forever? Was she stressed about the whole thing? Maybe she didn't care and I was just overreacting? I knew she wasn't happy that I went to the bar, and I would have to apologize for that first of all.

I needed to figure out how to work better as a team. I was placing so much stress on myself to do everything for her. Not allowing her any stress or pain in our marriage. Placing it all on me was making me weaker, and not the man she deserves.

A baby wasn't my responsibility, it was ours, and though I felt like it was my fault for creating it, we both would take on the burden of a child. But why hadn't she been more careful with her birth control. Was she even thinking about that? Was she so caught up in the moment and the day to realize what she was doing?

I've told her countless times she needs to get a more permanent birth control. She wasn't very good at remembering to take the pill. This had always scared me when we were fooling around earlier in our dating days.

A force of habit to ask her if she had taken it.

One that I had missed on our wedding night.

I was too excited to just be with her. The love we shared all day building up until that very moment. That moment I changed our lives forever. I glanced down for a second staring at my blue jeans as I cursed myself. Bringing my attention back to the road.

I was an asshole. Placing all the blame on her to make myself feel better about this whole thing. The truth was it was both of us that had messed up. We did this together.

I shook my head as I pulled into the driveway of our home. The front porch light was on but the rest of the house looked empty. Had she gone somewhere? I wouldn't put it past her. Knowing David was out with me Clara could have asked Erin if she wanted to do something. Wanted to hang out to pass the time while the boys were out 'getting drunk'.

I could hear the words now in the back of my mind. Clara hammering Erin to come out, to hang out. But would they do? Usually they would go for drinks but my sweet wife wouldn't be able to do that anymore. It was too late to go shopping and they weren't interested in any of the movies playing at the time.

Plus hopefully Erin would have texted me if she would have left the house.

My heart was racing as I placed the car in park and shut it off. I was building up my own sense of anxiety, treating everything as if it was the end of the world. I needed to focus though. The sooner I could get into the house, the sooner I would be able to calm down and Erin and I could talk through the issues that were bothering us.

It felt horrible to say we were having issues, and maybe we weren't. Everything could be in my head. My overthinking getting the best of me again. I closed the car door louder than I had meant to. Hoping it would wake her up if she had fallen asleep. It didn't though. The lights stayed off.