The summer we turned thirteen (Published)

Chapter fifty-three: The cost of bravery

James

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Confessing your feelings in real life is nothing like they portray it in the movies.

In most cases, there isn't some gushy reaction you're going to receive.

The crying they do is quite accurate, though.

There had been a lot of tears shed by Harlee when I told her the truth about everything.

She had run to the far end of the park, but I'd been able to not lose sight of her and follow her. When she saw that I'd followed her, she was furious with me still. But I was able to get her to allow me to explain.

We sat down in the grass, and then I started confessing things to her.

But it wasn't going well so far.

After I explained almost everything and told her that I loved her, she didn't seem to believe me.

Which made sense, after everything I'd put her through the past two months.

"You don't love me, James," she said to me, as tears streamed down her cheeks.

My heart felt fractured as I watched her cry.

The last thing I'd meant to do was start even more drama between us.

I had thought this was going to mend things.

"We are just friends," she said, her voice sounding unsure.

I knew it must have been a lot to take in, so I tried to be understanding towards her.

"I understand it's kind of scary, but I'm not saying we have to date or anything," I said.

Once again, she was horrified even at the mention of such things.

"Of course, we aren't going to date!" she cried.

She seemed shocked at herself when she said it.

She paused a few seconds then took a step away from me.

"You spent an entire summer pushing me away. You lied to me for years, and you actually expect me to believe you did it 'cause you love me?" she asked.

It sounded a million times worse when she said it all aloud.

"I did do it, 'cause I love you," I replied.

"So, ignoring my texts and calls. Avoiding me. Making me think you hated me and wonder for weeks what I did wrong was because you loved me?" she asked, tears still falling from her eyes.

It took everything in me not to tear up too as she relived the hurt I'd caused her.

Why have I been so stupid? I scolded myself mentally.

How could I have ever thought it'd be okay to just cut her off?

"Harlee, I truly thought it would be better for you to be away from me," I said tentatively.

"And you didn't even bother to consider whether or not I should get to decide that myself?" she pointed out.

Harlee was quiet for a moment like she was remembering some things, and I realized she was when she began voicing more of the bad memories I had left her with.

"Do you remember the day when you closed the blinds on me? Hmm? I laid on my bed and cried myself to sleep after that, James. Oh, here's another memorable one: the day you told everyone at Farrah's party. you would 'never kiss me' and that you 'don't even like me.' How exactly is that loving? Please, explain."