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chapter song: the cars: drive "who's gonna pick you up / when you fall? / who's gonna hang it up / when you call?"
1981
Everything was coming in flashes. Her head was pounding and she could hardly open her eyes. Noise was warbled and loud and ugly to hear. The sound of metal scraping and collapsing upon itself was almost too much to stand. She was dizzy and she would have thrown up if she could've. She was suspended upside down in her car, at least that's what she thought. She couldn't tell. The blood running down into her eyes was clouding her vision and she probably hit her head hard enough to knock her into the next decade.
"Ma'am! Ma'am! Can you hear me!?" The paramedic yelled to her, but no, she couldn't hear him. She succumbed to the darkness and let herself slip into an unconscious state because that was the only way she could bare the pain.
-
"Where the fuck is El!?" Ezra yelled as he threw his drumsticks down. "I swear to God, I'm so sick of her putting us on the back burner lately. Everything is all about Nikki," his tone was venomous.
"What do you mean Nikki?" Vera's eyes went wide.
"Oh, cut me a fucking break! You think I don't know!? He follows her around like a lost puppy! It's fucking pathetic!" He slammed his glass down on the table.
"Ezra, you're drunk," Jude said, shaking his head.
"No, I'm not! I'm just pissed off!" The phone rang. "Oh good! Maybe that's El calling to explain why she doesn't give a shit about this band anymore!" Ezra stood up to answer the phone. "Where the fuck have you been, El?" It wasn't El. His body went stiff. "I'm sorry, what? A-Are you sure? Where did-Is she alive? Where is she?" Ezra hung up the phone and gripped the table.
"Ezra!" Vera yelled. Her body was chilled with fear.
"El is-," he took a shaky breath as he wiped his tears, "El's dead."
-
The hospital waiting room was cold. The fluorescent lights were buzzing and it wasn't exactly music to plan a funeral to. Ezra was numb. He held his mother while she shook with sobs. This situation was all too familiar for the both of them. He didn't know if his mother would survive this loss. Vera was inconsolable. Her best friend was gone. Jude refused to believe it was real. Del felt like her world was collapsing.
"Where is she!?" Nikki came barreling through the door with the rest of the boys in tow.
"Nikki," Vera held her hand up to stop him, but he wasn't in the mood.
"No! No, this is not happening! This is not-," he was stopped short by the doctor who had entered the waiting room.
"Family of El Everly?"
-
Ezra and Jo stood in the hall with the doctor as he explained the situation to them. "When they finally pulled her out of the car, she was unresponsive and not breathing, but they were able to revive her in time. Her injuries are extensive and will take a lot of time to heal if her body can handle the process. She coded three times during surgery, but we were able to get her back. However, that kind of trauma is stressful on the body and it only decreases her chances of survival. She's currently in the ICU and is able to have visitors, but only one at a time. If you're at all religious, I would advise prayers. If not, I would seriously consider having a come-to-Jesus moment. She's going to need all the love and support you can offer her. I'm so sorry for this tragedy your family has to endure." Then he turned on his heel and walked away.
Jo felt relieved that her baby was alive and she clutched the cross on her necklace like a lifeline. "Please God, please don't do this to me. I need her. It's not her time yet, please," she cried into Ezra's chest. What the fuck was Ezra going to do? He didn't know what he'd do if he lost El. Did she make his life ten times harder than it needed to be? Yes. But did he love her unconditionally? Absolutely.
After his mother exited her room, Ezra sat down in the chair beside her bed. He gripped her hand with all his strength. She was freezing. Stop crying, stop crying, he tried to will himself, but it wasn't working. "El, please," he cried, "please do not do this. I love you and I am so sorry for all the hell I've given you over the last couple years. I know I can be a dick, but please don't leave without at least letting me make this up to you alive. I can't do this without you. The band doesn't work without you. I cannot live without you. Please," he sobbed. He gasped when he felt her hand squeeze his. It was faint, but it was there. Her eyes weren't open, she wasn't breathing on her own, but she was there. He sighed in relief, and then cried some more. "Please wake up, please, please."
-
"I'm sorry we had to meet like this," Jo spoke softly to Nikki, "she spoke highly of you. You own her heart." Nikki bit his lip and looked to the ceiling to try and keep his tears at bay. Nikki didn't cry. It wasn't in his nature. All emotion was bad emotion, but as per usual when it came to El, all that went out the window. God, you're such a fucking pussy, Nikki thought to himself. "She's gonna wake up," Jo whispered, nodding her head. "She's too stubborn to die. She won't give up that easily. Not when she has everything to live for." She squeezed Nikki's hand in her own.
"I sure fuckin' hope so. She-I can't-I don't wanna-I can't do this without her." Nikki shook his head.
"You won't have to, honey." Jo shook her head. "She'll pull through. She's strong."
-
Nikki laid his head down on El's hospital bed. She was hooked up to wires and she had a tube down her throat and God, she looked like hell. Her face was cut up and there were still remnants of blood here and there. "If you die without telling me you love me, I'm gonna be fuckin' pissed," he laughed sadly as he interlocked his fingers with hers. "I will never forgive you for that, so don't do this to me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hating you because you died without loving me. I really don't want to do that, so please don't die. Please don't do this to me." He leaned up to kiss her forehead and wiped his tears quickly.
"Excuse me, sir, visiting hours are over," a nurse popped her head in the doorway.
"Is there anyway I could stay? I don't want her to be alone." Nikki pleaded. He was desperate.
"Sorry, only family can stay." She looked at him with pity.
"Well, I'm-I-I'm her," he paused, "I'm her husband."
"Oh, why didn't you say so? I'll bring you a cot and a blanket. Hang tight," she disappeared into the hallway.
Nikki pushed his hair back off his forehead. This isn't the way he wanted to imagine himself being her husband, but it'd have to do for now. He pressed a soft kiss to her hand. "I'm here, and I'm not leaving. So, please don't leave me."
-
a/n: sorry i'm just feeling fucking angsty after reading Primal. if you haven't read that book yet, you better because oh my GOD it kills me. sorry for hurting anyone's feelings. this hurt my own feelings
