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chapter song the beatles: till there was you "there was love all around / but i never heard it singing / no, i never heard it all / till there was you"
1985
Another day, another dollar, another whore I rejected. Man, what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm 26 years old, this is supposed to be the time of my life! I've got any woman I could ever want at my fingertips, but it doesn't matter because they're not *her*. I swear to God this fucking woman has ruined me. I'm counting down the days until I get home so I can shut myself in my room and douse the sheets in her perfume. Yes diary, I still keep a bottle of her perfume.
The drugs make it easier. Well, heroin does anyway. I hang around backstage with the guys after the show and party for a while, but when they all run off with girls, I go back to the bus or the hotel and shoot up and it's like she's there. Sometimes I swear she really is. Maybe I'm just dreaming.
Whatever. I need to get over her. Fast.
Nikki closed his diary and threw at it the bunk wall. He was over this tour and he was over playing the same shitty songs every night. He'd never admit it out loud, but he was ashamed of this album. Theater of Pain was a collection of songs that were half-assed because Nikki was too preoccupied with his failing marriage and his growing drug habit. The guys weren't in their right mind to say anything to him about the songs either. Vince was walking on eggshells and Mick and Tommy were just as fucked up as Nikki was, just dealing with different vices.
Every night was bullshit. The four of them gathered on stage and pretended to be the best of friends, but the reality was that they were worlds apart. Vince was ostracized from the band and criticized for any little fuck up he committed. A terrible tragedy that should've brought the band together ended up driving them to different corners of the same ring. What a terrible fucking way to live.
While everyone was busy busting Vince's balls, no one seemed to give a damn about Nikki's smack problem. He couldn't decide if he was okay with that. On one hand, no one noticed and he could do whatever he wanted. On the other hand, no one noticed and he could do whatever he wanted. It was a double-edged sword, a thin line to walk, and a sure-fire way to end up six feet underground.
—
"Fred," Nikki whistled, "get him a girl and send him to his room," he said, referring to Vince at the hotel bar. Fred grumbled and slung his arm around Vince's shoulder and shoved him to the elevator. After straightening Vince out, Fred returned to Nikki at the bar as he sat and examined his eightball. "I need some pills." Fred disappeared and returned once again with four giant blue pills in his palm.
"Don't take more than one of these. They will wipe you out," he warned, pointing his finger in Nikki's face.
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks, man." Nikki took off in search of a woman and found one who would suffice. Hopefully, she'd be the one to break his curse. Sara, Samantha, Suzie, something with an S, but her name didn't matter. Fingers crossed, Nikki would be able to fuck her without a second thought and she'd be gone by the morning. She was a bimbo stripper, blonde with bright red lipstick, huge tits bursting out of a halter top, tight jeans, and thigh-high boots. She was exactly who he should be fucking.
