Same Mistakes

10. Tough Times

10. Tough Times

Danielle.

"Danielle, I'm afraid we have some upsetting news regarding your daughter." The doctor told me. The last time I heard those words it was a nurse, and I was informed that one of Megan's eyes was blind and that she had blurred vision in the other eye. I was also informed of Megan's deformed hand.

My beautiful babies, three year old Max and Madison sat on the floor by my feet playing with some red and yellow play-dough. They're making pizzas and cookies for me. One year old Megan sat on my lap, staring off into the distance. "What else do you have to tell me?" I choked.

He sighed, taking off his glasses. After rubbing his eyes, he put them back on. "Megan is deaf. She always will be. From the tests we took, we determine that Megan has never heard a sound, and never will."

Tears welled in the corners of my eyes, and I clasped my hand over my mouth. I looked down at Megan, slightly shaking my head. I knew something was wrong when she wasn't responding to my voice. That's why I took her in for some tests. Her hand is already severely deformed, she's already had two near-misses with death in her first 3 months of life because of how tiny she was.

The survival rate for babies under 20 weeks is almost nothing. I read an article online about a woman who had twin boys at 30 weeks and one of them died from being too tiny.

Megan is a literal living miracle. I can't even try to imagine life without her. She's such a delicate child. Her little body already has enough problems. She's blind in one eye and blurry in the other. How will she learn to communicate? She doesn't need to suffer being deaf along with everything else.

"When Megan gets older you can consider a cochlear implant," The doctor explained after a few moments of silence. "It's a tiny device implanted into Megan's ear. They work amazingly, and we're received a large percent of positive feedback." Said the Doctor, passing me a brochure from his clipboard.

"You want me... to alter my daughter?" I asked, gulping down at the brochure. On the front cover was a photo of a man, a woman and a nine year old little boy. The man and woman were kissing just above the boys ears, and the boy was widely grinning while flashing a thumbs up.

"We assure you, we don't want to alter your daughter, Ms. Peazer. We just want your daughter to live the fullest life she can. I presume it would be hard to live with being deaf, and 60% blind." The Doctor attempted to explain himself.

I looked back down at my baby girl. Megan's hair is blondish-brown, but it's getting significantly darker. I don't want her to live a life of pain and struggling. I want my baby girls life to be full. I wish I could give her my hearing. I wouldn't mind being deaf. I could handle it. But Megan? It's just not fair.

She's just a baby. I want her to hear her fathers' songs, even though Liam isn't in our lives. I want Megan to hear her big brother and sister play with her. I want Megan to be able to hear a beat, and dance to it. I want Megan to be able to hear the honks of car-horns in the city. But she can't.

"It's quite expensive, but I believe it would be worth it." The Doctor continued, after I didn't reply to his last comment. "We're going now," I said, standing up and putting Megan on my hip. "Clean up your play-dough." I said to Max and Madison, as I strung Meg's diaper-bag over my shoulder.

"Okay Mum." Madison replied, picking up the yellow container. "Please understand that I don't want to alter your daughter. I simply want her to live life to the fullest. I don't want anything to hold her back from someday doing what she loves," Said the Doctor, putting the clipboard down.

"Maybe she'll love to write?" I suggested in a cocky voice. "Maybe she'll love to cook. Maybe she'll love to take care of animals. Maybe she'll love to swim. You don't need your hearing for everything, you know?" I argued, smirking. Megan yawned, resting her head on my shoulder.