"What if we wrap his motorcycle in plastic wrap and melt it with a hairdryer? Little trick I learned in gift basket making class" Charles said.
"All right. Here's what we're up to" Jake said. "Steal his kidney, burn down his house, replace his aloe tissues with regular tissues. Thank you, Charles."
"You're welcome" Charles said.
"Leave a dead cat in his cedar closet. Note: he would have to own a cedar closet" you said, looking over Jake's shoulder.
"He seems like he would" Rosa said.
"Sneak into his apartment and burn popcorn in the microwave. Thank you, Charles" Jake said as Charles laughed.
"Uh, Scully asked for mashed potatoes, so I wrote that down" Jake said, confused.
"Well, I hate to say it, but I think, by default, Charles' motorcycle idea is the winner" you said.
"Yeah! Winning by default" Charles said in celebration.
"Let's get into it" Jake said. "Anybody know where the Vulture loves?"
"On third, right near here" Rosa said after finishing her drink.
"How do you know that?" you asked.
"Chug 'em, boys. We're rolling!" Jake said, getting up from his chair.
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"Yes!" Charles said as he finished wrapping the Vulture's motorcycle in plastic wrap. "Take that, Vulture!"
Next to Charles, the squad celebrated as you said "Let's melt this thing."
"Alright, give me your hairdryer" Jake said, turning to you and holding out his hand.
"What?" you said, just as Amy said "What are you talking about?"
"Don't you carry one in your purse?" Jake asked.
"Have you ever met a human woman?" Amy asked.
"There's a drugstore four blocks away, I'm on it" Scully said, starting to run down the street.
"Oh, no. Scully travelling four blocks? That could take weeks" you said as Jake pulled his phone from out of his pocket.
In the distance, Scully stopped running and bent over as he said "Hoo."
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Gina's phone started ringing just as Terry was about to take the shot that would allow him to start carrying a gun again.
"Gina's authentic stolen police badges. How can I help?" Gina said, answering the phone, causing Holt to look at her in confusion.
"Hey, it's Peralta" Jake said from the other end of the call.
"Oh, hey, Jake" Gina said.
"Hey, do you carry a hair dryer in your purse?" Jake asked.
"Of course. I'm not an animal" Gina said as you and Amy rolled your eyes.
"Great. I need you to bring it to the Vulture's apartment" Jake said into the phone.
"There's someone named the Vulture? Tell Rosa. She'd be into that" Gina said.
"Come on!" Charles said.
Holt took Gina's phone out of her hands. "Peralta, why are you asking Gina about Detective Pembroke?"
"Oh, Captain, hello. We are preparing him a gift basket of sorts" you said.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said. Jake...
