My Darkening Ember

Chapter Twenty - Eight

I cried until my stomach was in utter pain. No one followed and that's what I wanted. I didn't need them to see me like this, reduced to tears and weakness. If they could be strong enough to leave me for twenty years I would show them the independence that had grown in me. They didn't deserve my tears.

Stand. Be strong, don't give them a thing.

I wiped them away, straightening my poor frame. With reluctance and a thousand stones in my gut, I walked back to them. They hadn't moved and as I entered, Mayra's complaints had been silenced.

I walked to the chair, taking a seat before clearing my shaky voice. "Tell me why I was in danger. Why did my mother have to die? I need to know it all." My voice was filled with fake confidence. I could feel my sorrow knocking, but I locked it out.

Sarvin hesitated only for a second, before nodding. "Nothing I reveal to you in this room is a lie, nor can it leave these walls. Even though you are here now, you are not safe." He paused waiting for an agreement but I did nothing.

"Your real father was the late king, Emrys Thurid." He began, prompting my pulse to go rapidly.

My real father? 

"My real father? I don't understand. Edmund was the king?" I said completely disconnected. I couldn't make sense of anything. Why would he say it like that? 

"No," Sarvin shook his head softly. "Edmund was no king." 

"But-," I trailed off as one thought suddenly came alive. 

"No..." I whispered in horror. 

All the times I had wished for him to disappear, to die and leave me alone. The times I had hated that he was my father. The times I had looked upon a dying star, wishing my father was anyone else in the world. How could I have done that?  How could I have been such a cruel daughter? 

"Your father by blood was, the late king Emrys Thurid,"  Sarvin repeated in other words, watching me stare at the floor. 

I wanted to be back at the lake. I would've never fought. I would've sunk, to the bottom, watching the light above get smaller. I would bleed and drown and die. I would close my eyes and never open them again. I should've stayed there. I shouldn't have let anyone save me. Why did I save myself? 

Sarvin continued, not caring for how every word that came out of his mouth shattered my world, piece by piece. "Your mother and I were raised in the desert but came here as young children when our parents died. I became an apprentice for a Barron and your mother a maid in the palace. She never revealed her affair, not until she fell pregnant with you. The king hadn't had any children nor taken a queen. He pursued her in secret until the day he became sick. A year after you were born, which remained a secret, the king passed. Your mother and I knew what that meant. Rumours had begun spreading, of an heir living within the palace walls. Afraid of what people would do, your mother fled the capital. Edmund, the man who raised you, was a king's guard madly in love with your mother. He left with her, helping her escape to the desert. But the king's guards followed, with orders to hunt and kill you. Left with no other choice your mother had to hand you to Edmund and led them away. She jumped from the cliffs, convincing the guards that she had taken you with her in death." He paused, inhaling.

"I sent word but heard nothing for years. Until one day Edmund responded, revealing what had occurred. I knew bringing you back here when you were merely a child would put you in danger so I bargained with Edmund, to raise you until the time was right. Until I could send for you myself and bring you here myself."

It was too much information, and I didn't have enough time to process it all.

"Why am I here?" I already knew his answer but couldn't believe it.