My Darkening Ember

Chapter Forty- Five

I wanted to touch him, feel him. To run my hands over his hair and stroke his lips and dimples as he smiled at me. He took me in his embrace before I could.

I didn't care that everyone was looking, didn't care for the gossip that would run the town after tonight.

I only cared about his arms around me, his smell, and the sound of his voice as he whispered into my ear, "I found you."

I held him for a while, even after the music started playing again, like dancing leaves in the wind, easy and quiet. I pulled back, wanting to look at him once more before I pulled him aside from the busy dance floor.

"Lau-," I began not sure how I would explain, how I would express how sorry I was.

"I waited for your word. I waited for another letter, anything that would tell me you were still alive." He paused while letting his hands slide around my arms, holding me tight.

"I found a sketch of you, posted all over town, Colt was furious. We all thought you dead." Betrayal. It was pure betrayal in his eyes.

He was dashing tonight, more than I'd ever seen him before. He wore a tunic of blue velvet and sewn into it, were silver patterns along with crystal buttons. His dark hair had been styled so that his curls were even more visible and shiny. His eyes sparkled in the light and on the inner corners, glimmer dust had been applied. His dark skin glistened like radiant fire. He was beautiful.

"I should have told you I was leaving, I just-," I would have never told him and I would do the same all over again if I had the opportunity. Telling him would be the same as ripping my own heart out and shredding it to pieces. It would have broken me and he would've never let me go.

"I couldn't bear it."

"The letter..."

"The letter was shameful. It was my selfish goodbye. I feel so guilty." I choked on the last words and pressed my palm against his chest.

"I wanted to leave with you, only you, but it would have broken you too. It would have forced you to break your promise." I said tearfully, remembering his promise to me that night on the roof.

"I thought it best if you forgot about me while believing I was living as I always wanted, free and happy. You were never meant to come for me." I almost wanted to beg him to return.

"I would have never forgotten about you, never. How could I not search for you? When I heard you were here..." His hand took mine and on it, it flashed.

The horrible truth, that gruesome stone. My heart sank as with my face. I immediately felt as if a hundred stones weighed me down, drowning me.

"You made another promise," I said gutted. I let my hand slip from him, suddenly feeling like I had the right key for the wrong lock. Feeling like I had something that could now never be mine again.

He clenched and looked down as if he too had forgotten that horrible stone on his finger.

"I had to." It was all he could say.

I nodded, my eyes sinking. "I know," I didn't care though. He was now hers but I wanted him to be mine anyway.

"I know," I repeated, trying to convince myself out loud.

"Come back with me. Come home."

My eyes shot to his. How his plea was so lovely in my ears, but a gutting blade to my stomach.

"What will I have?" I whispered, having never felt words so empty, so wounded. I saw the answer in his eyes, telling me I wouldn't have him, not anymore and he knew that.