My Darkening Ember

Chapter Thirty - Five

Mayra suggested we'd go through the city exploring its eccentric views. I hadn't read the letter and as Mayra had come to my room and seen it in my hands, she hadn't asked about it. I figured she knew I didn't want to talk about it. I had no answers for anything. I was as clueless about my life, as the next stranger.

Xander had disappeared. Why he had come and shown himself to me I didn't know, but I didn't care. I had more important things to care about than him. 

As Aleron promised, his guards followed us everywhere keeping a watchful eye. Selene was trailing somewhere behind us too.

People looked but no one dared to speak or come near. I felt their fear was not for me, but the general.

We went through the market and the people parted away, their eyes carefully watching the guards behind me, whose hands rested on their swords.

"The guards are scaring them," I muttered silently to avoid them hearing it.

"It's not the guards they are scared of," Mayra responded, carefully watching our company.

My eyes glanced back at the people and I shot them a smile. They frightfully looked away.

"This is awful." It was painful how silent the market had gotten as we walked by the people.

Without hesitation I walked to the nearest table, stacked with crystal suncatchers.

"These are beautiful," I said, caressing one with oil colours. I looked up, catching the seller's eye.

She was an old woman with a red scarf over her head. Her dress was a brutal brown and did not show a hint of a tear. She wasn't poor and I figured no one could afford to live in this city if they were beggars.

"You can have it, my lady." The woman replied carefully, picking up the one I had touched, and handing it to me.

"Oh no please," I insisted, trying not to take anything for free. That wasn't my intention. I knew how hard people worked for their goods. Taking their commodities for free, just because of their fear, was terrible.

"Here," Mayra jumped in, exchanging the sun catcher with gold. I realized I had no money to pay these people.

The lady accepted and I wondered if she did because she was afraid of saying no.

"You are very talented," I said, adding another smile.

"Thank you, my lady." She nodded but her eyes remained lowered.

"Please, call me Elora." I insisted. The woman sighed like she was relieved before Mayra dragged me along, the sun catcher in my hands was already reflecting the midday light.

"If you wanted pocket money you should have just asked." Mayra teased and nudged me with an elbow.

"I would never have asked."

"Modesty is boring." She snorted and I shot her a glare.

"I wouldn't have asked because I don't need anything. I have a place to sleep and a full stomach thanks to your father. If anything I should repay you."

You don't mean that.

I didn't mean that.

Mayra snorted again and patted my back. "You are royalty my lady, not a housemaid."

"I'm a sheriff's daughter."

"You are the king's daughter and it's time you accept that." She was gentle but somewhat serious in her tone.

We spent almost the entire day strolling the market and by the time I returned to my room, the sun's last rays were streaming through the window. I delicately hung the suncatcher in the window, admiring the light it cast on the walls around me.

"It's beautiful," Selene said as she admired it.

I smiled at her.

"I will come to get you when dinner's ready-,"

I felt a surge of panic rush through me.

"No, I... I would prefer to eat in my room today," I said, surprised at how authoritarian it sounded.

She hesitated for a moment before nodding.

"Very well." She finished and walked out leaving me to be alone.

I cast my eyes back on the suncatcher.

It had a golden halo wrapped in wires that were braided into a tree. Small, oil-coloured crystals served as leaves while a bigger-pointed white crystal hung, by a golden thread, under it.

It was delicate work. I used to make dreamcatchers back home from old fabric and feathers. 

I missed my room. The smell of the bathhouse soap and laying on the barn roof in Lau's arms. It felt easier now. Thinking of it all. Maybe that was because I had so many other, more important, things to worry about. I remembered the king's letter. I had left it on my bed.

I wasn't nervous to read it, but it did scare me not knowing what I would feel, looking at the words my real father had written to me. I was scared I would feel nothing reading whatever he wanted to say to me. It was a letter from a stranger.

I took heavy steps towards the bed, slumping down on the soft mattress before letting the paper graze my fingers.

My hands almost shook as I unfolded it.

The writing was in cursive. A red swan emblem was branded at the top, and my name was at the beginning.

My dear Eleonora, my sweet child.

Even though you have only graced this earth for a full week, you have become my dearest treasure. You are the one thing I did right. I was wrong for your mother and I did her injustice.

I leave you with my beloved Sakari, your mother, and your uncle Sarvin, in hopes that you will be safe. You are my blood, my love. You are what I have searched for through my useless conquests. A sense of purpose and glee.

I know I will never get to see you grow into a young skillful woman nor will I get to say your name again and I will forever regret it, even when I'm gone. Your birth will be a secret I will force with me in death.

I am sorry my child, that I will never be the father you deserve. That you can never know me as the father who loved you from the moment you were born. But I want you to know I love your mother, only her, and when she gave me you, I began loving you too. I will watch over you with mirth and cheer for your accomplishments. When you read this I know you will be confused, and angry, and you might feel betrayed. I will take the blame so please do not hate those around you, who love you.

You will need them for guidance and reassurance. Take comfort in their wisdom.

I need you to know that I do not expect you to follow my path, that is your choice to make. All I want is for you to be safe and healthy. If I could, I would let the kingdom fall so you could remain hidden. I would sacrifice everything for you. I'm sorry I can't do that now. My health is worsening and I know I won't get the chance to watch over you and make sure you get to live how you want. That is why I want to tell you that I am proud of you, however, you choose to live. I am proud of having you as my daughter. My true treasure. My little Eleonora. I love you.

- Your father, Emrys

I choked up reading the last few sentences, my tears staining the milky white paper. Reading my father's delicate handwriting made me feel a great loss that I never knew him. I love you, I reread the last sentence. Even when my tears streamed down my face, those words made me smile.

Those three little words I had longed to hear from Edmund. Those words only Lau had said to me. I never thought anyone cared for me before Lau but now I knew my father did. He loved me my whole life. Even in death.

I folded the paper to my chest, feeling everything ache. I would never know him. The letter was all I would have from him.

My true father, the one who loved me.