The Power of Weakness

Chapter 25

Ari listened as the phone rang. She held her breath when she heard the slight click as the call connected. "Sebastian?" she rushed his name over her lips before any words could be spoken on the other end.

"The subscriber you are trying to reach is not available and has not activated voicemail. Please try again later." 

Sebastian's phone was turned off. Ari was sure that must be the case and refused to consider that he may have purposely left her call unanswered.

Despite her stubborn beliefs that he loved her and was not ignoring her, Ari felt panic creeping in. A desperation that she had not felt in a long time, which dried her river of tears and stilled her breath. She did not cry. She did not get angry. She huddled in the corner until day break when the needs of her bladder compelled her to go to the bathroom.

After using the toilet, she turned on the shower and sat under the cold stream on the frigid tile floor until the water heated. This was not how it was meant to go. She argued to herself again that the man in the article, the videos, and in the photos was not the man she was fated to meet. The Sebastian Meyer that she was supposed to belong to was something different.

A Sebastian Meyer who was controlled, his emotions were kept in check.
A Sebastian Meyer who was deliberate, he only took actions that benefited him.
A Sebastian Meyer who was resolute, he confidently prioritized his life.
A Sebastian Meyer who was steadfast, he maintained his attention to achieving his goals.
A Sebastian Meyer who would be respectful, he considered how his actions affected those close to him.
A Sebastian Meyer who would be faithful when he promised to be faithful, his word was his bond.

Perhaps because she had admired him from afar for too many years, Ari didn't want to admit that the Sebastian Meyer she met had more to him than those favorable traits. He was complicated and not all of his personality was commendable. There was a side she would have preferred to stay hidden.

A Sebastian Meyer who was unrestrained, he went full force and full speed.
A Sebastian Meyer who was impulsive, he did what he wanted when he wanted.
A Sebastian Meyer who was indecisive, he kept all his options open.
A Sebastian Meyer who was influenceable, swayed by shiny things.
A Sebastian Meyer who was impudent, he considered only himself.
A Sebastian Meyer who was philandering, taking any woman to bed at any time.

The Sebastian Meyer who Ari was supposed to meet was someone whose love she could win-over with time, attention, and earnest effort. The Sebastian Meyer she met was someone whose love was reckless, rapacious, and dominating. The Sebastian Meyer she met was the only person who didn't make her crack inside even when he broke her heart. The Sebastian Meyer she met owned her and she was incapable of resisting.

She looked down at her naked body as the now hot water pelted her flesh. She peered at the bony wrists resting on her knobbly knees. She looked at her small breasts and wrinkled stomach. She wiggled the toes on feet that were largest among the girls she'd gone to school with. She stretched the arms and legs which were also longer than any of her schoolmates had been and which were never thin enough. There was no version of Sebastian Meyer who would want those features. She had her clear complexion, beautiful face, and silken hair. That was what she could offer. She reached up for the bottles of shampoo and conditioner and bathed herself as she sat there.

Whether or not Sebastian belonged heart and soul to her, she was his. She didn't understand why she was, but the moment he posed the question a spark lit inside her and the answer was on her lips before she knew it. She had to show up in front of him. She had to ask the question that stirred the bile in her stomach.

She wanted to go to his apartment, but she hadn't paid enough attention in the car to know exactly where it was. She hadn't looked at a single street sign. She also reasoned that he wouldn't still be home by the time she got there even if she did know the address. She considered going up to the executive floor, but she'd never get past the reception desk. She thought of a number of options, but all she had the energy for was what she'd done the day before - sitting still on a bench and waiting.