Loud Trickster In A Quiet World, A Loki x Deaf Reader

10.Memories.

WARNING-mentions of torture, murder, and depression.

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-Your POV-

As soon as I am comfortable in my bed, propped up on my pillows and the headboard, I take a deep breath raising my hands a bit as I prepare to sign [You know of Natasha's past, yes?] I sign, earning a nod [Mine was similar. They somehow got me as a child, and they trained me to be an assassin.]

I shift a bit as I start to feel more nervous, feeling Loki's hand land on my leg gently "Take your time." He says, his voice softer than usual. If we weren't talking about such a heavy topic, I would swoon over it.

[One of the main things that was different from Natasha's programs was that I wasn't supposed to, like, seduce anyone.] I shift again, looking down as his face contorted a bit in confusion [Natasha was taught things like ballet, and like manners, and that stuff. On the other hand, I was taught more stuff about more methods to kill. Poison, and, in some cases healing.]

I pause as I hear his voice ring through my head "Healing? Why healing? That seems unusual for an assassin."

I nod a bit as I continue [Instead of going to like, parties and seducing guys, or girls, and then killing them, my...] I pause as I think of a name to call them [Orders were to do things like slip poison in foods and drinks. Or go to a hospital posing as a doctor and then either inject them with something lethal, or remove what was keeping them sustained. Their ideology was that instead of knowing that there was someone who seduced them, they wanted any law enforcement to look into the people working there. So it would also make it less obvious that there was an assassin group in the works.]

"Thats actually kinda smart." Loki notes, making me look up at him "Not that I condone it." He adds quickly "Im just saying, if you repeated killing just high athorities at one location, you could also possibly take down wherever you are doing the killings."

[Moving aside from that. Then there was the training. My earlier years they kind of were...Normal? I was taught to read, write, but they limited things like colors, and anything meant for like, entertainment.] I sign, pursing my lips at the memories starting to push at my thoughts more, practically seeing them in my mind [And then they trained us more in the athletics department. Training our stamina, teaching us to fight, and stuff like that. After we got all of the 'basics' down, they would bring us out to do our first kill.]

My hands started shaking a bit as I held in my tears [I remember I was super excited about seeing all the colors. The flashing lights, the tvs in the windows of shops. And then-] I let out a small sob [They made us watch the effect of the poison they chose.]

I feel the bed shift, looking up to see Loki leaning over more, a hand reaching up to gently cup my cheek, pushing away my tears with his thumb before pulling away again. It was unexpected, but it helped. It was nice to see he was still listening. Still caring for me.

[I started to show more independence, not wanting to go out on assignments, not wanting to keep up with my training. And well I should have kept my mouth shut.] I start to explain again [One of their most used methods was to use an electric shock, and whenever I did something they didnt like, they would shock me. If I messed up a mission, they would strap me down and shock me. All the while they would make me watch the recordings of other kills. To make me desensitized. I still have scars from it. But its on my] I gesture to my lower abdomen

"One of? Was that the worst one?" Loki asks, making me tense up

[It was close second.] I tell him, dropping my gaze again [The worst one only happened to me once. They put me in a completely dark room, and put a shock collar on me. It drove me insane. But if I did anything other than sit completely still, then they would turn on the power. They hooked me up with an iv to keep me nourished enough, and if they did give me any food, it was old stale bread and if I was super lucky, they would give me a cup of milk. I stayed there for a week, and after that, I didnt want to risk it again. But I held onto hope becuase I knew that if I could atleast go on missions, I could learn about the world. I might have a chance to escape. And here I am, I managed to escape.] I finish 'talking' as I feel more warm tears slide down my face, trying to push them away with my sleeves.

It took me a moment to process but I was pulled into Loki's cool embrace, no hesitation kn his actions this time "You are so strong. To have been through that, and still keeping your head up and fighting along the other Avengers, you are amazing." He tells me, making me let out a loud sob

"Its okay. Go ahead and cry, let it all out. I wont look until you are okay with me looking." He tells me, his hands raking through my hair gently "Thank you for telling me."

After a while of crying, and Loki helping soothe me, I feel tired as I stay in his embrace "Please stay with me?" I ask quietly, pulling away, but holding his shirt tightly.

Loki smiles, moving to lean against my headboard as well "Of course. Get some rest, okay?" He asks as he pulled me against his chest, summoning his book from his magic pocket "I shall stay with you as long as you desire."

I get comfortable against him, my eyes closing, but I hear him read a bit to me before I fall from conciousness

"But he looked upon the city, every side,

Far and wide,

All the mountains topped with temples, but not a single soul inside

And when I do come, she will speak not, she will stand,

Either hand

On my shoulder, give her eyes the first embrace

Of my face,

Ere we rush, ere we extinguish sight and speech Each on each."

Word Count: 1,091