Living for the fat girl [Book 2]

Part 7

7. Arya

When I wake up, I feel a blush rise from my neck up to my face, colouring my skin bright red. I don't open my eyes quite yet. As a smile pulls across my face, I notice that my lips are swollen and unusually warm. A slight soreness between my legs causes discomfort but nothing my beating heart can't drown out.

Slowly I turn around, expecting Seth to lie next to me.

Instead, I hear some paper crunching as I reach out my hand, searching for him.

I grab the piece of paper and unfold it, opening my eyes.

Good morning beautiful, it reads.

I had to head out to get to class. You looked calm so I didn't want to wake you. I'll be back at around 11:45... Miss you already and can't wait to see you again. Text or call if you need anything.

Pulling the blanket tighter over my body, I shut my eyes tightly and take a deep breath. A sudden wave of emotion hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel like someone dropped a heavy weight on my chest and it is crushing me. For some reason the feeling of rejection fills me up like poison. I shouldn't feel like this and yet...

He just left. How could he just have left?

When the first few tears fall from my eyes, I'm too tired to fight them and start sobbing. My chest aches as I know I'm being unreasonable and silly but I feel rejected and stupid for sleeping with him. Last night I was sure. I was sure about the timing and him and the circumstance but now, now that I'm left here, sitting on Seth's bed naked and alone, I'm starting to question it.

Did I make the right decision?

I stumble out of bed, letting the blanket fall to the floor.

My body feels strangely unfamiliar as I move across the room. The pain between my legs becomes more and more apparent by the second and an icy chill covers me, making me shiver. My chest heaves with the ache of confusion and rejection when I step into the bathroom.

An ugly shriek escapes my throat and fresh tears roll down my cheeks when I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My hair is a complete mess, sticking out in all directions. Mascara is smudged around my eyes, my lashes sticking together. There is a bite-mark on my shoulder, right below the hideous pink stretch marks. I run my fingers over them, imagining what Seth must have thought when he saw them.

I am too scared to lower my eyes to my breasts, hips and stomach. He saw all of me and I can't even stand to look into the mirror fully. He saw me naked!

“Oh my god...” I whisper to myself, barely being able to catch my breath as panic now replaces worry.

Trying not to hyperventilate, I force myself into the shower. Hot water rains down on me but no matter how hard I scrub my skin, I can't get the dirty feeling off of it. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let hot water wash over my face and try to forget the feeling of Seth's lips on mine, his fingertips caressing my skin and brushing hair out of my face. Did he even want to sleep with me or did he feel forced into it?

I'm not sure how long I am in the shower but when I finally decide to get out, my flight instinct kicks in. Quickly I dry off, gather my clothes and put yesterday's dress back on, feeling some of the left over sand against my skin.