Living for the fat girl [Book 2]

Part 37

37. Seth

I am in the dark.

Knowing what you have to do and being paralyzed, caught in your body, is extremely unsatisfying.

All light is gone. The previous scenarios are prominent in my mind but feel like they have happened days ago. They're nothing but a far away memory, dream-like but repeating over and over as I lie here.

I can't see anything now and I have absolutely no control. The only sense that I have left is my sense of hearing. Once I found myself here, wherever here is, I noticed the dull beeping sound, relentlessly repeating over and over and over again. It sounds far away but as it is the only thing that I can hear it is loud, so loud that I would curse it if it weren't my only grasp at reality.

I have to wake up.

Remembering the little girl, the baby Arya was holding, Mariana, I can suddenly feel my stomach clenching. The look of unadulterated love mixed with utter sadness lit a fire in me. All I wanted to do was break out of this weird parallel and tell her everything would be alright. Even now I can't stop thinking about anything else. That one look, that fire inside me, has given me the strength to form a plan.

The only problem with that plan being, that I have to actually be awake to set it into motion.

Just as I finish that thought, a new sound vibrates through me, wiping my mind clean. If I had control of my lungs, I'd probably be holding my breath.

A door shuts and then all of a sudden I can hear shoes walking across carpet, someone sitting down close by me, a stool creaking.

"My boy..."

All it takes is that hushed whisper. A flurry of emotion bursts through me, making my fingertips tingle and the hair on my arms stand up. My mother's voice sends shivers down my spine and I was never happier to hear it.

"I am so sorry," she sobs and I feel her taking my right hand into hers. "I should have listened to you. Jesus, how often do mothers have to say this to their sons? Seth, you don't know how sorry I am. Your father... There are a lot of things I regret in life but you... I never regret having you and your sister. I love you two. So much."

She sighs and pulls her hands away from mine.

"I regret not spending more time with you. Your sister. She has grown so much and I wasn't there to see it. I hate... I hate myself for it." I listen as she starts crying, my heart clenching.

"Why didn't I listen to you? I need you to wake up, Seth. I will make it up to you if it's the last thing I do. I will make this right."

I hear her inhale deeply and then the door opens again. My mother sighs and I can almost feel the tension in the air. It frustrates me that I can see but I can hear someone else sitting down close by. A certain smell fills my nose.

"Paulina is asleep now," the sound of Arya's voice is like an electric shock straight to my heart.

"Thank you, Arya. I don't know how to thank you for all of this."

"Stop worrying about me." She yawns and I feel the urge to reach out to her.

There's a pause where neither of them speak and I want to scream. I need to get out of this trap.

"It's been four days, Arya. I can't stop worrying. With every passing hour, the image of life without him becomes clearer and clearer. I don't know what I would do if this became reality. What if..." She is sobbing now and Arya gets out of her seat. As she walks, I get a whiff of her perfume again.