Living for the fat girl [Book 2]

Part 11

11. Seth

The next morning I lie in bed, feeling like death warmed up. I haven't slept all night, trying to get Arya to answer the phone or at least respond to my texts. Of course she won't. I fucked it all up again and this time there's no excuse for it. I fucked up and that's it. I don't even know why I did it. After having that fight with Arya yesterday morning, I was just so pissed. When Jackson suggested that I take part in the initiation, I accepted without thinking about it twice. Even when everything was explained to me, I just accepted. Didn't think. Didn't question. I just did it.

At that time I felt like the old me again. Like nothing had changed since high school... and I kind of liked it. For a few hours, I didn't think about Arya. All I thought about was me. I wouldn't let myself miss her.

Especially after she denied being with me earlier that day. She looked so angry, she wouldn't even look at me. At that point, I felt like I didn't even know her and she didn't want to know me.

But of course I know that's not true because when I went to bed just a few hours ago, my walls came crashing down and I felt the weight of my own stupidity crashing down on me. I am not the same guy I was in high school and I finally need to leave him behind. Why would I want to be him again in the first place?

A fierce knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts and I jump up, hoping that it's Arya. When I pull open the door, I sigh. Kim, the girl responsible for the initiation, two other girls and Jackson stand in front of me. Kim pushes past me into my room.

“Hey!” I yell but she ignores me. When she turns to face me, her face is furious. She looks about ready to burst.

Jackson follows me inside, shutting the door behind him, leaving the other two girls outside. He slaps a hand on my shoulder before standing next to Kim.

“What the fuck, Seth?!” Kim shrieks. “Could you not have told us that your girlfriend is a self-righteous little bitch?!”

“Don't talk about her like that!” I retort, growing angry myself.

“I'll talk about her however I want! You should have told us that she would be trouble. First she refuses initiation and now she's ratted on us! Don't believe for one second that if we go down, you're coming straight down with us!”

“A bit over dramatic aren't we?” I sneer. “She got a night guard to break initiation up, which was the right thing to do. I should have never agreed to doing it. It's fucked up.”

“Fucked up! You want to know what's fucked up? Your dog of a girlfriend getting us all thrown out for doing what's been done for years. It's a fucking tradition, Seth. And now just because one chick thinks she's better than us, everything is going to fall apart. You're here on a scholarship right? Well guess who'll get kicked out first? The kids who pay to be here or the kids who cost the school money?!” Kim rants and with every word she shrieks, my headache gets worse and worse.

I take a deep breath, trying to take in what she says. Of course she's right in some ways. If the college starts expelling students, the ones on scholarships would be first to go but would it really come so far? If this initiation thing has been going on for years, surely administration knows about it? Surely they couldn't just throw us out?

“You okay?” I feel Jackson's hand on my shoulder again. I face him and for once he doesn't look smug. I shake my head and sit down on my bed.

“Can't we just let this blow over?” I ask, grabbing the water bottle off my night stand.

“That would be lovely, wouldn't it?” Kim spits sarcastically. “We'll see how administration handles this.” She leans down to me, her face hovering only inches above mine. “And you better get that fat bitch to step the fuck down. Or I will.”