Sincerity - Criminal Minds || Spencer Reid Fanfiction

39. Reflections

*Trigger warning: This entire chapter contains descriptions of sexual assault, self harm, miscarriage and other topics some readers may find distressing. Please, only continue to read if you feel safe enough to do so.*

"Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving." ― Terry Pratchett

The Fighter

"So where would you like to start?" The therapist asked, looking between Spencer and I curiously.

We each shared similar expressions, our hands wound tightly between us on the sofa.

"I..." Spencer licked his lips, looking back at the therapist. "I'm not quite sure what you mean?" He asked and she smiled patiently, removing her glasses.

"Well, in your one-to-one sessions you have both expressed that there've been many incidents that neither of you have discussed or explored properly. This is the opportunity for you to do that."

I sighed, looking down at my free hand resting on our bump.

"Where do you want us to start?" I asked, lifting my eyes to hers.

"How about at the beginning?" She asked patiently, sliding her glasses back on. "What was the first trauma you both shared?"

I sniggered and Spencer scoffed, the pair of us looking at each other.

"The thing you have to realise, doctor," Spencer said politely. "Is that in our line of work, we experienced trauma daily..." He shook his head. "I can't speak for Melanie, but my journey through therapy has taught me what trauma is, and helped me to identify and acknowledge it for what it is. Looking back on our relationship," Spencer turned his eyes back to me, squeezing my hand.

"We were subjected to nothing but trauma."

"Is that true, Melanie?" The therapist asked.

"Yes," I nodded my head. "With hindsight, a relationship within the workplace, especially when the workplace is as traumatic as ours was," I shook my head whilst smiling at Spencer. "It's really no wonder everything happened the way it did."

"What do you mean by that?" She asked.

"Well," I scoffed. "The fact we struggled with our emotions, with admitting our feelings in the beginning. The rape, the miscarriage, the cheating, the lying, falling pregnant with Tills-"

"Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa," The therapist smiled and held up her hands.

"I know everyone in this room knows about all of those traumas, and Spencer, you and I have worked on them together already," She said, nodding and smiling at Spencer who inclined his head in a nod.

"But let's address them one at a time, that is what we're here for."

I sighed and nodded my head in agreement.

We'd all been attending therapy, all of us. We were working with different therapists, ethically, that's just how it had to be.

But, Spencer and I had both reached that point in our journey where our therapists had realised there were things we had to work through in the room together.

We had therefore opted for some joint sessions, two hours in a room with his therapist.

I decided that I'd like to keep my therapist as my therapist, so that I could rant and rave and cool-down from the couples sessions with her afterwards.