My Brother Is My Bully...

Chapter 4: battle skars

Marcel's POV:

I walked into my house angry and depressed from what had happened today at school. I was soaked from the thunder storm outside, it was pouring. My face was covered in rain drops and tears all mixed together, i don't know why but what happened today just made me realize I've had enough. I can't take it anymore, I can't take Harry anymore.

I opened the front door, taking my wet shoes off outside. I hung up my coat and took off my glasses to wipe them off, hands were shaking. I dropped them on the floor, breaking them. "Shit!" I yelled slamming my fist on the floor as hard as I could probably leaving a bruise. I bent down to pick them up as I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked up and saw Harry coming from the kitchen with a bag of Cheetos in his hand and a girl in her bra and underwear laying on the couch. I looked at Harry shaking my head disgusted. "I got a girl here Marcel, go upstairs. We're kinda busy if you know what I mean, can't just let her lay there like that forever," Harry said looking back at the girl licking his lips as she watched him intently. Harry looked back to me when I didn't answer him. "What are you doing, what happened to your glasses, I didn't do that this time," Harry said laughing shoving his face with Cheetos. I sniffled looking up at him. "L-like you c-care," I said looking up at Harry with tears in my eyes. Harry now looked concerned and set his Cheetos down and bent down beside me. "Why are you even crying right now Marcel, I'm not doing anything to you, not like I'm gonna beat you or mess around with you I'm too busy. And why do you keep stuttering whenever you talk to me, it's not like I'm a monster all the time," Harry said getting back up and picking up his bag of Cheetos. I looked up slowly and whispered "yes you are." He looked at me kind of concerned. I started to cry. "Please just please leave me alone right now, no beatings no torturing no making fun of me nothing please just let me lock myself in my room I won't bother you I promise just please leave me alone tonight.." I said running up to my room. Harry had no words, he just watched me run up the stairs, and walked back to the girl he brought home.

I slammed my door shut, and went into my bathroom. I grabbed my razor out of the shower, then turned on the shower and let warm water run over my already wet body from the rain outside. I started to cut my skin over and over on my wrist. I watched as tears slipped down my cheek onto my wrist washing away some of the blood. I kept thinking about how no one liked me and how I literally had no one except maybe my mom who was never home and my dad didn't care about me he left us a long time ago. I thought about how I didn't have any friends, and how even my own brother despised me and tortured me and how many bullies I had and how it kept getting worse and worse. I thought about how every single day of my life was like a living hell. I thought about how I'm ashamed of myself because I'm bisexual, and how everyone thinks I'm a freak and a loser and my grades are all I'm good for. I mainly thought about how Harry hurt me like that today, how he cut me, and how he beat me all the time, how he could say the things he does to me without even caring half the time. I was just done and I deserved this pain. I cut a couple more lines across my wrist and watched the blood and the shower water mix. Then, I turned off the water and set my razor down. I washed off the blood on my wrist with water and patted my wrist with a wash cloth lightly. I wasn't planning on doing a lot of harm to myself, just some cuts ever now and then for relief.

I practically dragged myself onto my bed as I cried my eyes out and bashed my head against the wall over and over until there was blood on my forehead. I then rested my head on my pillow and just stared at the wall until I heard a knock on my door. Harry was the only one home, and he never knocks he usually just barges in my door. "P-please d-don't c-come in," I said barely through all of my tears. It's always hard to speak when your bawling your eyes out.

Harry slowly opened my door peaking his head through. He saw my bloody for head and me crying. He looked at the floor trying not to cry too. "L-look Harry p-please don't y-yell at me or s-spank me or t-tell m-me I'm a b-baby for c-crying because I d-don't care a-anymore. T-trust me I d-don't need you o-or your f-friends torturing me to s-suffer. Congratulations, I h-hate m-myself because of y-you," I said through my tears with a sad look to Harry. I ran my hand through my once slicked back perfectly greased hair. Harry walked over to me slowly. He sat down next to me on my bed and let out a big sigh. "Man I'm sorry. I'm not good with this whole emotional crap and stuff, but I'm really sorry. I look back on these last few years of high school and all I've done is torture you and make you feel awkward and like your nothing. I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I don't know why I even did that in the first place, I guess I just got so caught up in being cool that I was willing to hurt my own brother to stay on the top of the social pyramid. That was wrong of me, and I promise for now on I won't bug you or hurt you in any way. I will try my best to protect you from the rest of them. I will do my best to be more like a..... big brother. Marcel, I can't explain how sorry I am for hurting you, putting you down, making you cry and feel this way, for you being afraid of me, and for making fun of your sexuality, you know I love you man," Harry said embracing me in a hug as he started to cry. He looked at my wrist and grabbed it in his hand. "What the hell?! Marcel what are these cuts on your wrist?!" Harry said jumping up from the bed looking at me with wide eyes waiting for an answer. "I-it's umm it's f-from where you c-cut me in the b-bathroom, remember?" I said looking at him worried and scared he would find out I harmed myself like this. Harry shook his head and his face fell at the awful memory. "No, no that was on the right wrist, this ones on the left. M-Marcel did you harm y-yourself?" Harry said holding both my wrists in his strong hands, making me tingle inside. My heart ached at the sight of Harry starting to bawl, wow. I haven't seen Harry cry like this since our dad left us. I immediately turned my hormones for my brother into instant anger! I stood up pulling my wrists from Harry's grasps. "Of course I freaking did Harry! What did you expect me to do after years of your shit and torture. How am I suppose to beleive anything you say to me when I think about the things you have done. You beat me up for no reason! You physically hurt me and I sat there watching my own brother cut my wrists.... You let everyone else pick on me and hurt me when you're suppose to be my protective older brother that is always here for me and the one person that I can always count on the one that sticks up for me and is there when I need them. No, you ruined my childhood Harry AND my high school years. You spent every day of your life thinking of ways to hurt me and put me down. How could you do that Harry?! You're sick, twisted. I'm not the bastard, you are!!! You make me think your attracted to me and you do things to me behind doors that no one should do to there brother, you have a sick and dirty mind and I want no part of it. You live to hurt people and you are mean Harry. And I'm very disappointed in the person you have become," I said with anger and rage staring at Harry yelling at him and pointing my finger. I was expecting Harry to freak out on me and pin me down and beat the shit outta me, he didn't. He just sat there with no words.