over and over [Jacob black x OC] [[complete]] ..twilight..

10

now that Bella's leg was in a weird black boot, I had to drive us to school and back. for the most part, though, Edward was doing the driving in his car. his heater actually worked. 

it was nice having the car, though. I passed my drivers license test easily. my picture wasn't half bad, either. 

because I had to help Bella with certain things, like getting the boot on in the morning and off at night, I was lying off the heavy drug use for a week and some change. I was doing alright without them, too. still, I continued my system of "taking" my daily dose and stashing them in my room for a future date. I was just taking a tolerance break. 

sometimes, Alice would come over for girls night and we would watch movies, make popcorn, paint our nails and do face masks. Bella and I weren't very girly, but Alice liked to spoil us. I would never say no to the expensive skincare and nail polish she carted over. it was truly an honor to use butter London and Mac nail polishes. 

Jacob came around sometimes  but he seemed to get more and more distant with me. he started leaving earlier and talking less. I would try and ask him if he was okay, in person or over the phone, and he would brush it off. 

embry, on the other hand, finally got my number. we would text sometimes, but mostly he liked to call and talk at night. we would talk for an hour or so about anything- how our day went, where we saw ourselves in a few years time, whether or not astrology is real, etc. 

things went fine for a while, until they didn't.

one night, embry took me out to get ice cream. his hair was short and he looked different. a little less like a boy, more like a man. we sat in his car with our cones, shielded from the rain. the radio was off and he was quieter than usual. not as smiley as he always was.

"I have to tell you something," he finally said, breaking me into a cold sweat. I knew it was coming but I wasn't ready for it. I sighed and nodded. "i... think we should stop seeing each other..."

I blinked at him. I tried to be cool, but I felt hurt. I didn't ever want anyone to have the power to hurt me with words like that, but here I was. "um, okay. is there a reason?"

he opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out at first. "uh... well, yeah. it's just that... I think... we're very different people and... I don't think it's going to work out."

I felt confused and wore it on my face. "I never felt like that." i couldn't believe that he saw us that way, as if we experienced this relationship totally differently at the same time. 

he looked outside and tried to avoid eye contact with me. I was staring right at him. "I just don't want to pretend," he said simply, as if that was what I needed to hear. it was.

my eyes began to sting but I didn't want him to see me cry over him. I just nodded. he started the car up and backed out of the lot, heading back to my place to drop me off one more time. 

we were both silent the rest of the ride. I tossed my ice cream cone from the window. I tried to keep my eyes dry and did okay until he asked, right when we pulled up to my house,

"did you have sex with jared that night at jake's party?"

my jaw dropped and I turned to look at him. he waited for an answer and I could tell he wasn't joking. he really believed that might be true.

"are you fucking kidding me?" I whispered.

he shook his head.

"did he tell you that?"

his head rolled against the back of his head against the headrest. "get out of my car."

the tears welled up and started to pour. thunder cracked in my brain, rumbling in my ears. "fuck you. I would never have anything close to sex with him, especially not while we were together. fuck you, and fuck him," I spat, then got out of his car and slammed the door behind me. without looking back, even if I were able to, I ran to my front door, turned the key, and immediately went to my room, sobbing the whole way. I didn't want to cry over him. not over any boy. I felt weak, stupid, dramatic. I wanted to kill myself more for crying over him more than I wanted to for being broken up with.