over and over [Jacob black x OC] [[complete]] ..twilight..

20

how I was able to convince Carlisle to give me back the altoids tin with my paraphernalia, sans pills, I have no idea. i sat on the rail of the deck, finishing up a joint from the night before. it helped with the strange muscle spasms, headache and dark cloud in my head.

jasper peeked his head out of the door before walking out and standing beside me.

"how's it going?" he asked, keeping a bit of distance between us.

my eyes grazed over the scattered furniture and sinking balloons. "I'm okay," I said quietly.

"I felt insane last night," he said, "I had to just leave after a bit. it was sickening."

"I'd hate to have me around if I were you," I asserted gently. he shrugged.

"you're good company but your emotions aren't."

I nodded, looking down at my bare feet. I could hear Bella and Edward laughing inside as she heated up some leftovers for lunch. we kept her in the dark about the previous night.

there was something really romantic about jasper. this whole family had a charm I couldn't put into words. it was hard work, when alone with any of them, not to just pull them into myself with a passionate kiss. something was enticing, but I didn't know quite what it was. I didn't feel guilty about these feelings, and Jacob never asserted a monogamous rule over the two of us, but I knew he'd feel hurt if I'd kissed a vampire behind his back.

"if I had blood, I'd blush," jasper said gently from beside me. I looked down at him and he, up at me. he was closer now. he leaned in and kissed my cheek with cold, soft lips.

I, a blood-haver, blushed. "what was that for?" I asked quietly.

"I could feel it," he said simply.

Edward drove bella and I home later that day after I had a long talk with Carlisle about safety plans, personal responsibility to my future, and what I should do if I suddenly developed a rash in the next 48 hours. I sat in the front with Edward as Bella dozed off in the back seat, still terribly hungover from the night before.

"feeling okay?" he asked very quietly, though I knew he didn't have to ask. I nodded, looking out of the window on my side. it was a dreary, warm day. school was finally over for the summer but what would that even mean for me? I felt as though I'd probably spend most of my time trying to find ways to get high out of my mind with what resources I had. I'd probably have a lot of sex just to kill the time and feel good for a little. maybe I'd spend some time swimming at the beach, sitting by a fire, or driving around at night when I didn't want to lie in bed anymore. I might try to get really good at lying and work on my lower belly fat during midnight runs. I wasn't very excited for all of the free time I would have now but it beat school any day.

I had the feeling that Edward felt the need to remind me constantly that he could hear what I was thinking but I think we were getting past that point now. I was almost thinking for an audience when I was around him. most of the time I ignored the fact that he could tune in because it drove me crazy to reorganize myself in such a way that I wouldn't feel embarrassed if he was listening. I just had to try not to care.

"maybe you can turn me into a vampire, too," I daydreamed, looking attentively at the passing trees. Edward drove much faster than most people I knew.

he looked over at me and I didn't return his gaze. "I don't think so. it's bad enough Bella convinced me."

I shrugged. "I guess I wouldn't want to live forever, anyway."

"yeah it... kind of sucks, really. not having a soul and all..." he mumbled.