Call It What You Want (to be revamped & restarted soon)

Track 1.03 | dodged a bullet or just lost the love

🦋 + 🐍

(Oliver's Version)

Oliver had stared at the green papers for so long that words had stopped making sense since a while now. His eyes bore into the contract papers with a blazing intensity and if only there was a magnifying glass around, he could show those people how he truly felt on the inside. Anxious. Trapped. Angry. Leaving the papers in nothing but burning flames till each and every word would struggle to simply survive, much like how he kept feeling at the moment.

He tried to gather himself back, focusing on the meeting he was currently present in and supposed to be paying attention to. It wasn't like Oliver to be distracted but the next moment, his attention flew again like a fickle butterfly hovering around from one flower to another. Thoughts kept racing in his head and he couldn't seem to bring an end to them.

He tried to memorise the calculations over and over again, trying to find a way for this situation to work out in his favour. Because he didn't deserve to be put through this. But to him, they were no more than floating symbols now, the kind that looked familiar but didn't quite register any meaning in his head. Everything felt like confusion, pain and denial and he struggled not to shut his eyes tightly and pretend this was a nightmare. Anger too, lots of it and he could hardly stop himself from tightly clenching his jaw.

It's just a bad dream, Oliver. You'll wake up now and this will all be over. It is a good day. Only it wasn't. To any onlooker, he was perfectly calm. Too calm for the situation at hand. If only they knew the storm that was brewing inside him.

A subtle sense of dread hiding deep down in the pit of his stomach seemed to be making way through all his nerves, a jittery anxiety soon taking over. Maybe this was the effect of too much caffeine. His body was not used to it but he kept going back and ordering more coffee to catch a glimpse of that galaxy coloured hair girl.

No, he was not smitten and no he was not in love or obsessed with her either, he had concluded. She felt familiar and it was his obsessive need to find answers that made him go back there, in search for that one moment when his memory could piece it all together. A Eureka moment of sorts where he could finally understand why she looked or felt so familiar to him despite being a complete stranger. But it never happened. He had no idea who she was or where she was from. No yet, at least.

Answers. Nothing troubled him more than unanswered questions for they always left gaps and opportunities to assume. And Oliver always jumped to the worst assumptions, the worst conclusions. So, here he was, in the middle of a meeting wondering why things fell apart so easily. He questioned if he was to blame just because he didn't know how to be in love. Maybe he tried too much or maybe he tried too little. Or maybe it was just him and his history of broken relationships that made him so difficult to love.

She was long gone but her words still lingered around, seeping into his soul and stinging like an old wound. Anne Starling. The person who made Oliver want to learn love and the same person who showed her the dark side of it when she left. The reason Oliver had dared to open up and wear his heart on his sleeve; caring but cruel enough to take it, break it when she left. With another man.

But when Oliver asked why, all he was greeted with was excuses that made no sense. You work too much. You're too boring. I can't live with someone who doesn't even care about me or put me first. This relationship never mattered to you anyway. Even if we try, this will never work out. Mostly because it looks like you don't want it to work out.

He wished there was a way for him to show her how much she mattered. She always complained that he didn't trust her enough but Oliver was too guarded to break all his walls at once. It took him time but he truly tried for her, breaking one wall after another, one rule after another. But she was too blind to notice, too oblivious to the painful past Oliver had buried deep in his heart. So deep that a part of him forgot it even existed. And she mistook his slow pace as reluctance and walked away, leaving nothing but bitter memories and unending questions.

Returning to the meeting and decision at hand, he was certain about one thing. She had to be stopped before she got a grip over him. Anne was already on his mind but he couldn't dare to imagine her ruining his only escape — his work. He was not sure if he dodged a bullet or just lost the love of his life but he needed closure. He needed peace. And that came at a heavy cost.

The implications of cancelling the Wilson-Starling business merger would probably be worse than dealing with the aftermath of his failed relationship. And before his investors could catch hold of him, Jonathan Starling - Anne's father and the owner of Closet Starlight - would make sure Oliver's business never saw profits again. It could all go horribly wrong but he was willing to take the worse end of that deal. Because he couldn't say hello to her and risk another goodbye.

After giving it a moment of thought, he placed his pen on the blank space where he was supposed to sign. But instead of scribbling his initials, he dug the pen deep into the thin pages, spreading ink all over and breaking the nib once the papers were left unworthy of being signed. Just like the fears that had ghosted through his soul and left him void of his chance at love. He wasn't sure if he had done the right thing but the sense of relief as the creases on his forehead relaxed spoke volumes.

Goodbye, Anne. Hope to never see you ever again.

This chapter is dedicated to _FionaDickens_ for making this amazing banner and the cover for this story. I cannot even begin to describe how perfectly it fits the story! The coffee. The guitar. The diary pages. The fall theme. The earphones. The stars on the guitar! The scarf!!! Thank you so very much *_*

P.S. I have now edited the cover & banner to include some splashes of blood on it. Kudos if any of you noticed and don't ask me why unless you want major spoilers  🤫

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