Finding Melody

46: Promised

You promised. You promised. He had promised millions of things, millions of words but the most important promise he had made to me he had broken. I didn't care about the promises of us, the promises of our relationship, I cared about him, the promise of saving his health, his mind and his body. He had promised he would stay sober, just like I had to stay next to him through the night. He looked at me with his eyes, begging for forgiveness but I don't even think he knew why.

"Mel". He begged, his voice coming out hoarse and unmeaningful, he didn't care that he had broken my promise, he didn't care he was drunk. He didn't care that he chose to get drunk while his sister was in surgery, he didn't care. I saw that now, alcohol made him cold, made him forget all the things that made him who he was, all the things I loved about him.

"Your sister is in surgery and you choose to get drunk... I stayed with you, I was with you all fucking night and the one thing I asked was don't get drunk, don't drink at all". Anger piled through my voice as he looked at me unapologetically, like he had no remorse. I knew it when I hugged him, I knew it when he suddenly stopped and ran for his keys and his wallet, alcohol was a bigger comfort than I could ever be. But I hoped he was better than that, I watched him cry, I watched him with his eyes rimmed red and sniffles escaping his nose. I watched him lose himself in his emotions and I thought he had finally come to terms with everything.

"Mellie. I just needed something. It wasn't a big deal. Look... how about you have some too?" He asked, his smile shining and normally no matter what he said that smile made my heart glisten and he could practically make me say yes to anything. But now I was angry, angry with him, angry with the way he thought it wasn't a big deal.

"I don't fucking want any. I don't want anything from you... you disgust me. You might as well just leave, please". I blurted out, looking away from him, my eyes lined with tears. I had hoped he would be there in the morning, but I didn't expect anything. With Dallas you could never expect much from him. It was my fault I had asked something unimaginable of him, he couldn't keep a promise even when the world around him was in pain.

"Suit yourself". He shot back annoyance coursing through his veins, grabbing the bottle and chugging more down, he was so emotionless, so numb to feeling anything, especially my words.

How did he become this? How did this happen? When was the last time he was sober? I clearly had no clue when we had been so distant from being so close during this time. He seemed to hate me, he missed me, he needed me. My head wasn't clear, my eyes were seeing things, my mind was making up words.

I headed to the waiting room, feeling the tears glide down my face as I looked behind, wanting to see if he had left yet, if he would follow my plea and leave. I wanted him to stay, I wanted him to follow me, to look me in the eyes and promise me again, that this wouldn't happen, that he would change. But they were just empty promises, empty words. He felt nothing.

I looked back into the room, peering into the window as he sat still on the couch, drinking more and more like it was a never ending bottle. He was in pain. I could see it, but how could he not notice that everyone else was too? He needed to be here, for his sister, for his father that still had never returned back from where he had gone.

Tears ran down my face as Dallas's eyes closed and I ran from the window, knowing I couldn't see him anymore. Everything about him reminded me of pain. I rushed to the waiting room, looking at the other people, one biting the remainder of their fingernails, the other crying into their hands, and the other yelling on a phone. Nobody was calm, everyone was freaking out.

I took a seat, my fingers wanting something to fidget with as I looked around finding Vi's doctor in the hallway.

"Is she okay?" I asked, wondering why she wasn't in there with her. A somber look came over her face and I think she had seen the tears, the tears that rimmed my red eyes, it had been a long night. It had been a long night for all of us.