The Blood Order

XLV

"Am I broken?" I whisper to him, begging for any direction. Raphael holds me close, letting me be cradled in his warm touch. 

"You are the strongest woman I know." 

"But that doesn't mean I'm not taped together with duct tape." I grumble back. He laughs at me running a hand through my hair. My body loves his touch, and I am starting to as well. 

"Fire fly, we have important matters to discuss." He pulls away the smallest amount, my heart breaking equally so. 

"Is this about Myrina?" I shove my face deeper into his shirt begging him to keep quiet. This is the last thing I want to talk about, and yet he seems like this has to be spoken about. Can't it wait? 

"She threatened to take you from me. That is unacceptable." He wraps a piece of hair around his finger twirling it. The wetness runs down his finger, but he doesn't seem to mind holding my soaked figure. A towel is vaguely around me, but I don't mind him seeing my naked body. Nothing really to see. 

My memories of Myrina's welcoming face surface, the thoughts of me bring her whipped cream, dish soap, anything to tell her how thankful I was of her. The living room conversation where she attempted to convince me to kill my father, tried to explain to me my worth. She truly seemed like the perfect goddess of a grandma, and yet... 

"My hearts confused." 

"Expected, she cares for you deeply, but her desire for power clouds her judgement. The Blood Order anticipated opposition, but her backing of warriors was greater than we could have predicted. This could end in war." He mumbles kissing the top of my head. 

"War?" 

"As I have explained, there are consequences for all actions. Myrina has threatened your life, and for that reason she will be staked between the eyes and burned until she is nothing but a bag of bones." He carries me to the closet grabbing me a large shirt of his. I pull it over myself without much thought, there isn't a reason to think anymore. Anything I think I know, or want to know, or assume to know... is wrong. The real facts include the truth of me knowing nothing, and I have no way but a biases textbook to correct that. 

"I want to go to the balcony." 

He lets me, dropping from his hold so I can overlook the beautiful city lights below. My thoughts are paused by the beauty, taking in the way the world looks, how small everything seems compared to the problems that are arising. Even the people, running around and doing what they need oblivious to the danger that will begin to impact them. 

I don't know how much time passes before he interrupts my peace, but it was sooner than I wanted none the less. 

 "Are you coming to bed firefly?" He says to me laying his hands over my waist joining me in looking over the city. 

"I want to look out for a little longer if that is alright?" I mumble hoping that he heard me anyways, I wasn't ready to walk into that bedroom, and I don't think I ever would be. This was my decision time, and if I made the wrong one... 

"Of course, I'll be getting ready for bed, come in whenever you are ready." He says confidently and walks away leaving my waist cold something for which I am grateful, while is touch is kind, I can only fake the comfort for so long. Especially when my mind burns with other more dangerous thoughts. 

The warmth that forever lingers in the air, never burning the skin, but always reminding about what is around us. I force air into my lungs feeling the unexpected warmth fill me. He stands in the room watching me even though he said he was getting ready for bed. He is worried about me, about me jumping. I have contemplated it I will admit, but he would stop me before I fell even two feet. I was stuck, and no one could save me. Not even myself, my fucking weak self. 

His presence is demanding no matter where we are, but right now I could sense everything about him, and I try to suppress the unwanted feelings that curl right under my skin.

"Firefly? About done?" He calls out and I release my hand from the guard rail not realizing that as I looked at the lights that covered the shining city with the falling fire in the background that my subconscious was thinking about how nice it would be... how relieving it would be... to just fall. True freedom. 

I take a step back and wrap my hands together turning around to a fully clothed unchanged man and nod once. I could see the fear in his eyes that I would, he knows if he gave me the chance... Taking small steps, I walk back into the room, he shuts the doors behind me and locks them slipping the key around his tattooed neck. My chance of relief goes away as quickly as it came, and I simply stood looking at him as he went to change. I wasn't ready for this, but I had to survive. 
No matter what.