CHANGE

TWO

LOUIS

Louis rubs his eyes as he pulls his body up off the sofa and checks the clock on the wall. 2:46am. Well shit.

He's used to this, he never gets any sleep. He's either woken up by nightmares or insomnia. Some nights he just can't sleep at all. He stands up and stretches, cringing as he hears a crackling in his back. He goes into his studio, sitting at the large piano and opening the notebook he picked up from the floor.

The first line from earlier is scrawled across the top line of the notebook in his messy writing, only just legible.
He sighs and leans back on the chair, pulling out his pack of cigarettes and lighting one before taking a drag. He gets a lot of his writing done when he can't sleep, choosing to write instead of other various coping methods. Not always though.

He picks up the pen, twirling it round in his fingers before clicking it so that the nib appears. He gives himself a second, puffing out the smoke from his mouth before pressing the pen to the paper, writing down the next line.

'All the words that leave my tongue, feel like they came from someone else'

He lets go of the cigarette in his hand, holding it between his lips and opening the lid of the piano. A soothing sound emerges from the large beauty when he presses down on a key, closing his eyes and taking the cigarette between his fingers once again.

He places the stick into the ash tray after taking a drag, and leans forward, pressing the keys down so a quiet melody begins. He writes down the notes as he plays them, occasionally adding words to the song as he starts producing a sad but beautiful melody. After about an hour of writing and playing he puts the pen down, and closes the notebook.

Louis stands up from the chair, running a hand through his feathery hair and noticing how greasy it's getting. What better time to have a shower than half four in the morning?

He strips off his black sweats and plain white tee, pulling off his boxers just as he steps into the steaming shower.
He relaxes as the warm water cascades down his back, and his tense muscles unclench. Then his eyes catch sight of the blue razor in his shower box and he just can't help it.

He picks up the glinting object, twirling it round in his hands whilst his head clouds with insecurities.

'You're worthless'

'You'll never amount to anything'

'No wonder he left you'

'It was your fault'

'You don't deserve anything'

He closes his eyes as he swipes the blade across his wrist. Scarlet blood escapes as salty tears pour out from his eyes, mixing with the warm shower water and dripping down to the shower floor. Time seems to slow down as he feels the pain after each cut, but the moment of pleasure in between makes it feel like it's worth it.

Eventually he stops. He stops swiping the blade, he stops crying, he stops feeling pain. He doesn't feel or think anything as he leans against the tiled wall, and allows himself to slip down onto the shower floor. He leans his head against the wall and lets out a shaky breath, red water surrounds him as it seeps down the drain, escaping. One day he'll be brave enough, and you won't be able to tell water from blood.

Louis stands up after a few minutes and cleans himself up. He gets out of the shower, cleaning his cuts once they've stopped bleeding and pulling a dark green hoodie over his head over a plain white tee along with a matching pair of dark green sweats. He tugs the sleeves over his wrists, a habit now and goes into his bedroom, looking in the mirror.

He sighs at the bags under his eyes and runs his fingers through his damp hair, deciding to blow dry it. Once he's done his head is once again fluffy and feathery as he lets it flop over his forehead. It contrasts nicely with the stubble littering his jawline.

The clock in the living room reads 6:57 as he walks in, going into the kitchen and putting the kettle on. He flicks on the tv, flicking through channels until he finds a half decent show. He fixes himself a cup of tea and sits on his cushioned sofa, flinging his legs up and leaning back. And these days this is a good day.