CHANGE

FIVE

LOUIS

Louis wakes up on the bathroom floor, dried blood around his wrists and splattered on the floor. His head spins as he picks himself up off the floor, leaning over the sink. As he looks at his reflection in the mirror he barely recognises himself. Long gone is his fluffy quiff at the front of his head, the sparkling blue eyes, and the cheeky smile that was capable of lighting up a whole room. No, they're gone.

In their place is his peaky blinders haircut, almost always greasy. His eyes now dull, holding no light. And the smile? That doesn't exist anymore, only fake ones do. Nah, Louis Tomlinson changed.

What changed him though? That's something he doesn't like to talk about. Ever.

He sighs as he turns on the tap, splashing cold water over his wrists until they're clean, before slipping his bracelets back over to cover up his cuts. Everything in his life is a coverup, his bracelets, his girlfriend, his career. They all cover up how much of a fuckup he is.

He splashes some water over his face and pulls off the white T-shirt covering his chest, eyeing his tattoos in the mirror.

His eyes land on the black sweats resting on his hips and he can't resist. He pulls one side down gently over his hipbone, reaching his fingers down and tracing the scars covering his hips. These aren't like the ones on his wrists and thighs, no, these ones are from his childhood. Before One Direction was even thought of. They're barely even visible anymore, just pink and white lines on his tan skin, a reminder of the hell he endured. The names they called him, and the way he'd lie to his mother about where the bruises on his body came from.

Although it's in the past, Louis can never forget it. Because it never really ended did it? It just came from different people, for more and more reasons, more and more violent. He closes his eyes, sighing before pulling his joggers back up over his hips and rubbing a hand over his face.

It seems like everything that once made him who he was is disappearing. He's not Louis anymore.

He heads to his music studio and sits at the piano, opening the notebook he's been writing his latest stuff in But this ones special, it's not just a lyrical song. He's written a rap in it too. He doesn't know why, it just sort of...fit. But for now he's got another verse to add.

'Where's the person that I know'

The melody on the piano is beautiful, it reminds him of the one he wrote for Two Of Us.

'They must have left, they must have left, with all my faith'

It goes back into the chorus from there and he turns to the rap again, adding to it.

'I wanna feel something, I'm numb inside, but I don't feel nothing, I wonder why'

He keeps adding to it, occasionally jotting down chords and lyrics down in his notebook and playing the notes on the piano. When he finally finishes up with the song he's proud. Although he knows he'll never be allowed to let his fans hear it, it brings him comfort to know that it's there.

...

He wakes up the next day, turning to the clock. It's 8:39, he didn't go to sleep till about four. He groans and rolls over into his side, rubbing his eyes and dragging himself up off the mattress. There's another meeting with the band today. Oh god, he has to face Zayn. Well this is going to be interesting at least.

He takes a shower before dressing in plain black jeans and a grey unbranded sweater, deciding to dress presentable for once. Afterwards he blow drys his hair and lets his fringe sit flopping on his forehead. His peaky blinders haircut isn't greasy, instead light and feathery on the top of his head.