CHANGE

THIRTY FOUR

LOUIS

Once again, Louis finds himself waking up on his bathroom floor, with bloody wrists and a woozy head. The time being half one in the morning.

He sighs before dragging himself up, leaning his light weight on the ceramic sink in front of him and closing his eyes as the bright light makes his head spin.

He'd really overdone it this time, passed out for almost four hours due to blood loss.

He looks at his dishevelled self in the mirror and runs a hand over his scruffy stubble.

Maybe he should actually use a razor for its intended purpose for a change.

How many times is he going to wake up like this? In a right state. Maybe one day he just won't wake up at all.

That's a nice thought.

He runs the shower until it's almost burning, then he steps into the cloud of steam.

The hot water stings his cuts and but he doesn't even wince at the feeling, so used to it by now.

He feels so numb. Both physically and mentally.

He never should have let him back in. Even if it felt nice for a moment, look where it's got him now.

He's so fucked in the head.

After his shower he dresses in a black Nike sweatshirt and grey sweats, and then plonks himself right in the middle of his bed, contemplating his next decision.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and ignores all of his new notifications, searching for one name in the device.

The usual fear doesn't even hit him as his finger hovers over the call button, that's how numb he feels.

Without thinking too hard he presses dial, and holds the device to his ear.

It isn't long before a gruff voice answers the phone, clearly unhappy at being woken at this hour. "Yes Louis?".

Louis closes his eyes and takes a breath. He can't take this pain anymore, he reminds himself. This is the only way it will go away.

"Fix me, Si".

"With pleasure".