She Wolf will not find her mate. I won't fall in love!

Sahar's Party

"Do you guys know Sahar?" Deion asked us.

Deion was a demigod of Dionysus, he had tattoos covering one of his arms. Tattoos of course, made him stand out amongst the other students. Even though he was a year below me I had always been just a little interested in him.

"Yes of course we know Sahar, she's in our year after all," Yami snapped back at him.

Modesta giggled.

The day had ended and we were walking towards the front gate of the school when Deion had approached us.

"Well if you're going to be like that I won't tell you," Deion retorted playfully.

I pushed Yami to the side, "Oh don't worry about her, what is it Deion?"

He smiled at me, such a sweet smile, but a hint of playfulness twinged at the corners of his lips, "Sahar is throwing a welcome back party at her place."

"Oh," I smiled back, "We will be there."

Deion nodded at us and ran off, probably to go tell some more students.

"I actually can't go I have-" Modesta started to say but Yami cut her off.

"Cancel it, we are all going, Modesta. This is important. Varinia you better not ditch us for those wolves," Yami whirled to face me after her attack on Modesta.

Behind Yami I could see Modesta texting trying to organise her night. Yami looked at me intensely and I matched her stare, "I can't make any promises."

We approached the gates and the car was already waiting for me.

"See you two there," I waved at them and drifted off.

Luna Racheal was disappointed to hear that I was going to a party as always. But I had the best defence to it, I was at the school to make connections, to socialise. So what could she say? The disapproval lingered in her eyes though her lips were closed.

Truth be told, I was nervous about the party. Last year I had spent so much time with the third years it seemed that so few of my friends were even left. I guessed it was my own fault though. I had gotten so tangled up in them that I had neglected my friends.

I picked a dress out of my closet. It was low cut and very short. All in all not much fabric nor much left to the imagination. But I thought it looked adorable on me.

I was just about to leave for the party when Luna Racheal caught eye of what I was wearing in the hall, "You'll bring shame on your future mate wearing that."

She kept walking but I froze in place.

My future mate, the requirement that I must fulfil. Love that was all changing, love that changed you. Love that made you unrecognisable.

This is what I was truly running from, becoming Luna didn't scare me. In fact I was excited about leading but in order to lead, I needed a mate. That is what scared me. More than anything ever could, more than any myth hunter. I wanted to remain myself. I had seen so many of my friends, wolves that were older than me, find their mates and change. Become someone so far from themselves. Yet I was friends with the old version of them. Every fibre of my being resisted this. I even had nightmares about abusive mates.

The first nightmare came to me the night I was to start at the Full Moon Academy. I was being beaten by a man I was in love with. Left broken and hurt yet there was this part of me that still wanted the monster's approval. I reached out for him and he stomped on my hand. The nightmare had shaken me so much. So began my spiral. I wanted to prove to myself that romance, kissing and beyond could be done without love, it didn't need love. In the passing years I certainly proved it to myself but I had become reliant on it. Addicted. This was my last year before I was to find my mate and even though I had proven it to myself it didn't mean anything.