What have I done...?

Chapter 22

"Me too." Mason, Mia, and a barely conscious Eddie agreed.

"Thank you guys, thank you all so much. I just need some time to try and wrap my head around all of this and figure out what in the hell that I can and should do about it."

I knew that what he was feeling now was going to get sooo much worse. Especially when and or if he ever finds out what Tasha has done, tried to do, and planned to do to Dimitri. Not to mention the other things that she has said done and planned to do to me, and what she has planned for Tatiana. And on top of all that are the things that he already knows that she has done. And then there is also Lissa and all of her shit if she doesn't change. Which reminds me, I haven't really felt much of anything from her through the bond, other than the darkness, for a while now. I wondered momentarily what that meant. But I didn't have the time or luxury of worrying about that right now. Because I still have to figure out how in the hell to get us all out of here in one piece.

"When we get out of here, none of you let on to her, or anyone else, what we have found out while we have been here. I will discuss it with Dimitri and Alberta, and we will go from there. It will be safer for all of you if you do not get involved in it at all. Unless one of the four of us come to you, just keep it to yourself until I tell you otherwise."

"Four?" Mason asked.

"Me, Dimitri, Alberta, and Christian."

"Ahhh ok."

"All right Rose." They all three agreed. I just hoped that Eddie knew what he was agreeing to.

About twenty some odd minutes later Christian turned to me. "Is what he said true Rose? Are you guys really trained from birth to not care about your own lives or deaths? Are you really trained to care only about the moroi? Do they really try to train you not to care or fight back if you are raped let alone fucking gang raped by a group of moroi? Do they really try to train you all to have no self-preservation?"

"That is how they TRY to train us, yes. They try their damnedest to brainwash us into believing that we don't matter AT ALL. That nothing about us matters and never will. That we are to want nothing, not even love or family, for ourselves. That we are unworthy and undeserving of ANYTHING for ourselves, especially not love of any kind. That we are to give the moroi anything and everything that we have and are. And even under circumstances like he mentioned we are told that if we strike a royal. Or if we lay so much as a finger on a royal with any kind of violent intent that we will be either be thrown into prison or put to death. That, even in a situation such as that, that we are not to even scratch a moroi. We are not to even pull the hair of a royal, no matter the situation that we find ourselves in. Yes."

"That is just not right Rose!! You are just supposed to lay there and let God only knows how many royals rape you without even trying to protect yourself?" He insisted angrily.

"No, it's not. And yes, they are but they don't call it rape they call it a part of our duty. Our duty to breed more guardians for the royals. But it is all a fact of life for the guardians and novices Christian. Since there is no fighting back and to be no reports made of when a royal attacks or rapes a dhampir. There is no telling just how many times that happens every single fucking day all day long all over the fucking world." Mason answered for me furiously.

"That is fucking revolting Rose." I agreed with him, just as I know that Dimitri does. And if it is at all possible, when we are the monarchy, we are damn sure going to change that shit. There is going to be no more of this shit of the moroi running all over the dhampir, of putting them down, of them mistreating the dhampir and then turning around and hiding behind us while expecting us to defend them with our very lives. Uh huh, no fucking way.