What have I done...?

Chapter 31

I knew that the clothes that she had on, as well as the uniform that I'd had on, would all more likely than not have to be thrown away and most likely burned. Because it was very unlikely that anyone would ever be able to get all of those bloodstains out of any of them. Because the arterial spray when she had cut the heads off of six of those strigoi got all over her and set in. And when I took her into my arms a lot of undried blood had transferred onto the uniform that I had been wearing. Plus, I very seriously doubted that lyubov' moya would ever even want to wear those clothes ever again. More likely than not, she would never even want to see them again. There are just far too many bad and painful memories attached to them. (my love)

I set our bags back on the floor in front of the closet. Before going back into the bathroom, only to find my naked love standing in the shower under the spray of multiple shower heads still waiting for me.

I was sooo thankful that Adrian had thought to move mine and Roza's bags from the SUV, that we arrived at that house in, to the one that Roza and I had left that house in. And I was also very thankful for the guardian who had slipped in behind us and laid all of our bags in front of the closet, as Roza was telling me what she wanted to do, before he slipped right back out the door without a sound or a word.

My eyes, for some unknown reason, were drawn down to the drain of the shower stall. Where I saw that there was a massive amount of blood circling the drain. Before it thankfully made its way down the drainpipe and away from the love and light of my life forevermore.

I hated the fact that she'd had to make all of those kills. Even though I have always known that she would have a greater kill count than me someday. I had even told her as much on the night of the Equinox Dance while we were under the spell of Victor Dashkov's lust charm.

But I had never, in all of my wildest imaginations, thought that it would be this soon. Or all in one yeblya day. I could never have possibly imagined that she would have to go through something like this at this young of an age. Or at all really. She'd had to kill nine yeblya strigoi and four yeblya humans in that chert house. (fucking, fucking, fucking, damn)

'Thirteen kills... lyubov' moya had had to make thirteen yeblya kills in order to get the ad out of that yeblya house safe and alive and back to me right where she has and will always belong. My poor poor amazing lyubov'.' I thought to myself with a shake of my head. I had NEVER wanted her to have to go through anything like this in her whole entire life. But apparently life had other plans for angel moya. Apparently, GOD himself had other plans for lyubov' moya. (my love, fucking, hell, fucking, love, my, my love)

I knew that this was going to be a difficult thing for her to deal with. But she would never show it to anyone, at least not to anyone that isn't me. And even then, she would try her absolute best not to let even me see just how much it was affecting her. How much it was hurting her.

I dreaded, for her, when the nightmares started. But I would be there, right by her side, for the rest of our lives. I will always be by her side. Just like I should have always been. I should have never tried to hide from her or push her away. I should have told her the yeblya truth about exactly who I am as soon as I realized that we were falling desperately in love with each other. Ad I should have told her the truth pretty much right from day yeblya one. But no not me, instead I had to hurt her, I had to try to keep her at arm's length until she was no longer officially my student, until she was eighteen and until she had graduated from the academy. (fucking, hell, fucking)

If I thought that it would do any chert good, make myself any less furious with myself, I would bang my chert head against a brick yeblya wall. But it won't, according to lyubov' moya 'what's done is done and we can't change the past'. She is just far to yeblya forgiving of me. I had hurt her, time and time and time again but she has always forgiven me even though I don't and never have deserved it. (damn, damn, fucking, my love, fucking)