Maidenless No Longer (Elden Ring)

Bonus Chapter #13: For Leonard!

A/N: Alright here's approximately 4,000 words of Himbo!Radahn. Or at least, it was supposed to be Himbo!Radahn. Supposed to be a comedy too. Some angst managed to slip in under my eyes.

This bonus chapter is distinctly non-canon, though I guess if you want to tilt your head to the side and squint really hard, it could be the result of something the Tarnished did on one of his million playthroughs.

-x-X-x-

Radahn could only groan as he slowly woke up, bringing a massive hand the size of a Runebear's paw up to the side of his equally massive skull. Fuuuuck, he hadn't had a headache this bad since he'd tried to read all of the tomes on Gravity Magic in a single night! The words in those damn books were too damn small!

Don't misunderstand! Radahn could read! And write! But those books had been SO boring, and just so... ugh.

His brat of a little sister Ranni had, in that bratty way of hers, told him to just give up when he'd complained about it to her. Not that she knew what she was talking about! She was off in a private apprenticeship to Renna the Witch, while he was enrolled in the Academy of Sellia.

Radahn, of course, had not given up. Oh, he'd certainly given up on all those damn books, but he hadn't let their small words packed too tightly onto their pages stop him! No sir! He'd just commandeered one of the Sellian Scholars for a fortnight and forced the man to teach him Gravity Magic personally. If little Ranni was good enough for some private tutoring, then so was Radahn!

After all, it wasn't like Radahn could possibly give up. Not when his horse, Leonard, was counting on him. Nay, he- wait. Wait...

"... LEONARD!"

General Radahn, also known as Starscourge Radahn, flings his eyes open and stumbles to his feet. He notices a few things right off the bat. First, and most importantly... Leonard is gone. Missing. His trusty steed is not with him, and even his call does not prompt an answering whinny to let him know that the horse is somewhere nearby.

Secondly, he's not holding the stars back any longer. That, at least, Radahn can fix immediately... or at least, he tries to. When he attempts to call upon his Gravity Magic to once again arrest the movement of the stars, it only results in his already splitting headache getting worse. Letting out a yelp, the giant of a man palms his forehead again, shaking it to try and clear the pain away but to no avail.

Oh man... Pops was gonna be SO mad at him. But honestly... honestly, the stars were a secondary concern. Finding Leonard had to take priority! He would also need to fix his head so he could use Gravity Magic to properly RIDE his trusty steed of course but making sure his childhood horse was SAFE meant more to him than even riding him did.

The third thing Radahn notices, as he finally begins moving forward through the ruined church, he's found himself in, is that he's damn near naked save for a loincloth to cover his dangly bits. His Lion Armor is missing, as are his Starscourge Greatswords! Blinking rapidly, making his way towards the large (to most) double doors of the church all the same, Radahn tries to remember where they'd gone.

Had he been mugged?! Robbed?! Had a group of bandits on the road caught him off guard and taken him for all he was worth! What... what was the last thing he remembered? Coming up on the Church doors, he scowls mightily.

What were quite large doors to most, are rather normally sized for Radahn. As the giant of a man slams through them, wood splintering as the doors are blasted out of his path, he focuses and focuses hard. Thinking... had never been Radahn's strong suit, if he was being entirely honest. He was better at fighting. Besides, he'd always had others to do the thinking for him. His father, Radagon, was always there to tell him what to believe, what was real and not real, what was right and wrong.