After experiencing a life-altering tragedy, Emersyn feels as if her world has collapsed. Attempting to accept her new reality, Emersyn wonders how she can possibly keep going when it feels like her life ended months ago. Until she meets Haven, and s...
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Somehow, I end up at the mall with my mother.
When she asked if I wanted to go, I wanted to say no. In fact, I did say no. But Mom hasn't been taking no for an answer lately, and I guess going out can't be any worse than sitting around the new house. So here I am, standing in the middle of some brightly-lit, overly colorful store, shifting through blouses that I would never be caught dead in.
Mom tries to engage with me for the first hour or so, picking out things that she thinks would be "so cute" on me, or "perfect for school". I half-heartedly give in to her attempts, though basically just give one word answers to every remark she makes. I can tell that Mom is getting frustrated with me, as the corners of her lips have turned downward into the faintest of frowns. I'm not sure what she expects of me. That I should be ready to move on just like that, simply because she somehow is? That I should pretend she didn't disappear when my father died, and she was all I had left? That I should move past all of the pain she put me through, leaving me alone to grieve something like that, because she doesn't want to address it?
I'll pretend to be a Happy, Okay daughter so she doesn't have to worry about me. I won't complain about being forced to live in this stupid town in our stupid new house Mom bought with my father's life insurance money. But I refuse to give her the satisfaction of thinking that the two of us will ever be what we once were. Not when there were nights I sobbed myself to sleep against her bedroom door after banging my fists against the wood until they were raw, begging her to come out only to get no response.
You can't just move on from something like that. Mom may be ready to piece her life back together, but I'm still in pieces because of her.
"I think I'm going to run to the food court to pick up a coffee," Mom says after a few minutes of shifting through racks in silence. "Do you want anything?"
I shake my head, refusing to meet her stare.
"Think you'll be okay alone for a few minutes?" Mom questions.
I purse my lips. I want to snap and grill her. Why didn't she ask me that after my father died? Where was this concern when I had to sit through the funeral, only to come home to an empty house? Why did she never bother to ask me this very question on the nights she actually came out of her bedroom long enough to pass out on the couch with broken bottles around the floor?
"Yeah," I mutter finally, slightly miffed. "I'm sure I'll be perfectly fine alone."
Mom must pick up on the dig I've thrown her way, as she hesitates at my side for a moment in silence. Then she wanders off without a word, exiting the store before walking out of my line of sight. The lack of her presence in the area surrounding me leaves me feeling as if I can finally breathe again.
I keep to myself, roaming around the store and trying to find something I might actually wear. If Mom's offering to spend money on me, I suppose I might as well comply. I could use some new clothes, and my dad had to literally die for her to be able to afford all of this. I'd say I'm as entitled to the compensation as she is.
