40 | karmic cycles

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When Haven still has not shown up to school nor answered any of my texts by lunch period, I cannot take the silence anymore

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When Haven still has not shown up to school nor answered any of my texts by lunch period, I cannot take the silence anymore.

Internally, I battle with myself. Am I being too overbearing, or are my suspicions correct? Is Haven ignoring me because I'm being too pushy, or because something happened that prevents her from getting back to me?

My head aches as thought after thought races through my mind, each worse than the last. I do not like this–the not knowing. It reminds me too much of what I have been through before, and I feel as if I am merely seconds away from breaking.

The rest of the day is a blur to me. I am hardly aware of my surroundings as I sit through classes mindlessly, lost in thought. When the final bell rings, I stumble through the hallways before somehow managing to make it out into the school yard, just barely remembering I have a bus to catch.

Stuck in my head as I walk, I am just hardly aware of someone calling my name. It takes a moment before I realize the voice is real, and I whip my head to the side to find Haven standing in the parking lot, waving me down. I stand in shock for a moment, unable to do anything besides stare at the girl before me as if she is nothing more than an illusion of my thoughts.

Once I realize that this is real and I am not merely suffering a worry-induced hallucination, my feet are moving at a rapid pace before I even notice I am heading her way.

"Hey," Haven greets breathlessly once I am standing before her. The wind ripples her golden hair around her shoulders. She appears so heavenly, I have to blink to make sure my thoughts and fears have not left me seeing things. "I–"

"Where the hell have you been?" I cut her off without meaning to. I don't intend to come off so aggressively; I am merely so overwhelmed with emotion, I can hardly think straight. I am relieved to see her, though also conflicted and confused and pained. "You didn't show up today, or answer any of my texts! I thought–I thought–" My voice cracks. I blink furiously to ward off the tears filling my gaze, brought on by the intense emotions stirring within me.

"I thought something happened to you," I am finally able to admit, as hard as the words are for me to bear. I have lost a loved one once. I don't think I could possibly live through that kind of pain again.

Haven's features soften as she eyes me, her gaze clouded with remorse. "I know," she says so softly I almost do not hear the words. "And I completely understand. That's why I thought I could give you a ride home, so I can explain."

I sniff in response, still struggling to blink back tears. The fear and worry that had been fueling me all day still travels through my veins.

"I'm sorry," Haven murmurs. Her eyes are wide and pleading, her hands twitching at her sides as if she wishes to touch me, but is unsure if she is allowed to do so. "I'm so sorry, Em. I would never willingly make you think–I would never play with your mind like that without a reason. Please, just let me explain."

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