Flashes Of Light

Present Day

"If you had to tell the others something that you've never told them before," the presenter says. "What would it be?"

"I've never known how bad Logar had it, with The Anti," Sveta says. "I swear. I found out later."

"And he could still manage to stay funny," Percie gushes. "So funny. I always loved your fake seizure, Logar. You really killed me, man. When you joked, every sentence was pure gold."

Logar looks actually pleased. Maybe, Percie reasons, it's really all he's ever wanted. To be approved.

"Is that one story true?" Sveta raises an eyebrow. Logar drops her hand. That's appalling, Sveta thinks. She didn't even notice they'd been holding hands in the first place.

"Which story?" Logar looks offended, and Sveta looks sorry. 

"You know the one," she says quietly. "You told it many times."

"Everything I say completely honest. That's all you ever get from me. Honest, true true true true."

"Maybe," the presenter says. "Mister Iris is close to having a seizure."

Sveta holds back laughter. Apparently, the presenter is not used to Logar. 

"I didn't meant to," Sveta says, blinking her eyelashes. "It's just that it didn't seem true. When you asked that guy to blow it and he said he wouldn't do it."

"Why?" Logar drawls impatiently. He looks reckless, as if he's about to start some ruckus to divert the attention from his best friend recalling everyone of when someone turned him down because he was too hideous.

"I'm just saying that many other people would have done it for free," Sveta says candidly. "So I don't see the fuss."

When she finishes speaking, she's horrified. Percie is looking at her the same way. Logar is blue in the face, and doesn't show any emotion. Not even flattery.

"Some would have done it even if they had to pay for it, in fact," Sveta adds. She really, truly, doesn't know she's making the situation worse. 

This time, Logar gives her a tight smile. He bows a little, and says, "Thank you, kind comrade. If I ever find myself in need of money, I know who to ask."

And then he goes back to sit next to Sveta, and takes her hand in his again.

Just like that.

Sveta seems to remember that the two of them had always been that way around each other, from a certain moment on. She just wonders why she'd never thought of it as strange.

Maybe because most of those things happened before she could realize what she felt for...

No. She never felt safe thinking about that. It doesn't matter that no one can read her thoughts. She will not bring herself to think about him.

"I know Percie Tolkien will probably make you argue with the next quote I'm pulling up," the presenter smirks. "But I seem to remember he always put his faith in one guy, and in a famous magazine interview he called this person 'a genius'. However, he then gave another interview, saying things went south because of this same person."

"Is he talking about The Anti?" Sveta asks.

"No," Percie says. He becomes red in the face.

"Thank you," Logar replies. "The Anti is fucking old, I've always said that. Haven't I always said that?"

"I was talking about you, Logar," Percie says in a whisper.

Logar starts trembling. He tries to talk, but even his lips trembles. Sveta asks herself whether he's really having a seizure, before she realizes that it's worse.

He's close to tears.

She has seen Logar cry before. In many moments, where either he, she or someone else was hurt. You could say what you wanted about him, but he was empathic. And full of himself, but not so much he wouldn't let you talk shit about him.

Unless it was an injustice.

"Things went south b-because of me?" Logar tries to ask. "Do you really believe that?"

Percie lowers his eyes. "I'm sorry, mate. I've believed a lot of things during the years. Look, you must know..."

But there's no stopping Logar's pain. "Do you really believe, all of those times, we were hurt because of me? Do you believe that Lix was killed because of me? Do you believe my father was?"

The question Sveta dreaded. Her stomach feels empty, she feels nauseous, and she wishes they weren't doing this. Not in front of everyone. She knows Logar has related to her past struggles, and so does she. She's always felt particularly sorry for the horrible way his father had died.

Percie must have felt that way too, because he finds himself unable to answer.