→ 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭┊Suicide Boy Fanficion

Chapter 6: I'll bloom myself in your mind

"Thanks, Heemin..."

He smiles.


"You're welcome, Hooni."


An awkward silence falls between us two. It's suffocating.


"So..." I try breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want anything to drink?" I ask as I take out some of my bottled water.

"Sure," He says with a beaming smile as I hand him the water.


"To be honest, I was hoping to never see you again," I say. Even though I feel uncomfortable around him, I feel like I can state anything to him. Or. I don't have to control myself.

"Really?!" He merely asks shocked. His ears are red, and his cheeks are bright pink.

"I mean, I knew you could do better than me. But why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Because I couldn't. I don't know how to deal with those kinds of feelings, or even if they're feeling. That's why I wanted to avoid you."

"I see... Well, I'm glad we talked now."

"Me too." I offer a forced smile.


"But you still want to sleep beside me tonight, right?" He jokes, almost smiling.

"Not really," I say as he's piercing through me with his gaze.

"No." I start sweating, with him scarcely reading my mind and soul.

"Yes."


"Good. Because I'm not doing it for pleasure, I just want to cuddle."

"I see."

I'm not that surprised by his comfortableness of our friendship, since we always had friendly intimacy.


"Plus, I bet you have been sleeping alone. I wanted to make sure you won't be lonely anymore."


I feel like I'm having a conversation with someone who doesn't have any ulterior motives.


"Thank you." I bestow a fake smile as Heemin drinks his water.


"Sure thing." He replies with a smirk as he looks at me. "You know, we haven't spent time together since we were discharged from the psychiatric hospital, huh?"


"That's true."


"I should've been there for you. For the past two years, I have been so self-centered, selfish, and inconsiderate."


I stare silently at the floor.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to have that kind of conversation..." I reply and touch the bandages on my arm.

"I understand... Would you rather talk about something else?"


"Well, I... I..." I stutter.


"I don't blame you for being nervous, Hooni. I'm sure everything is fine."

"Well, yes, I mean. I'm fine now, thank you."

"Hmhm..."

"Yea, I'm just a bit embarrassed, that's all." I lie and laugh.

"Embarrassed? Why?" He asks with a bewildered expression. "Have you done something embarrassing?"

"Nope. Nothing like that."

"Haha, I see. Well, don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you." I cause another bland smile.


He sits on my bed, sampling his water.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks hesitantly.

"Sure, what is it?"


"Is it okay to admit I love you?" He questions.



"Uh, I..." I hesitate.

"Please, Hooni. You're the only person I can be myself with. And I want to be honest with you."

I'm communicating with the one person I don't want to, making me feel sick and dizzy.

"I'm sorry for being direct, but I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this."

"I... I don't know..." I answer weakly.

My eyes are starting to tear up.

I feel like I'll break down and cry if I keep going.

He looks gloomy and disappointed.


"I'm sorry," I mumble.

"It's okay... I understand."

We sit in obstinate silence after that.

Hemin heaves a sigh and stands up.

"I'm going to sleep now." He says.

"Okay." I agree, barely able to communicate.

He gets onto my bed and covers himself with my blanket.

"Good night," Heemin whispers.

As soon as he's asleep, I begin to cry.

I feel awful.

How could I do this to him? What is wrong with me?