→ 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭┊Suicide Boy Fanficion

Chapter 15: Take it out from yourself

My body feels so sore... 

As I try to move I realize I somehow fell asleep. I must have been exhausted without realizing it. I want to lay still, not stimulating a single muscle. 

But... I have to go to school/hell. 

I'll just... Merely stay in bed. 

I pull the covers over my head. I'll just sleep for a while. 

I'll just.... just sleep. 

I feel like something's crawling on my leg. I keep my eyes shut. I'll just... just disregard it. I can hear him breathing. I'll just... just ignore it. I feel something cold and metal press up against my neck. I'll just... just ignore it. I smell something burning. I'll just... just ignore it. I can feel his lips against my cheek. I'll just... just ignore it. I can feel his breath on my neck. I'll just... just ignore it. I hear his voice. I'll just... just ignore it. I... I... I... I can't. I just can't. 

I sit straight up in my bed. I breathe heavily. I groan in pain. I can feel my eyes water. I can feel my heart beating fast. I can't move. I can feel my body shaking. I'm terrified. I can't move. I'm terrified. 

I don't know how long I sit there, shaking and crying. I don't know how long it takes for the feeling to subside. 

I don't know how long it takes for me to be able to breathe. I... 

I don't know how long it takes me to get dressed. 

I don't know how long it takes me to eat breakfast. 

I don't know how long it takes me to walk to school. I... 

I don't know how long it takes me to arrive at school. 

I walk into my first class. I sit down. I take out my textbook. I open it. I look around. I try to pay attention. I glance up at the clock. I fasten my eyes. I imagine I'm at home. I imagine I'm secure. I imagine I'm... I'm...

I'M FINE. 

I shake my head. I can't think about it. I can't let myself. I have to remain my mind on my schoolwork. I have to keep it together. I have to. 

I open my textbook. I follow a paragraph to pass the time. I will think about it later. I can't. I can't. I... I don't know how long it takes for the bell to ring. I close my book. I put it in my bag. I walk out of my classroom. I follow the crowd. I don't know how long we're in here. I don't care. I'm leaving.

I couldn't even be at school. 

I'm so miserable. I can't even be anyplace. I went home. 

Laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling. 

This is so beyond stupid. 

Everyone and everything. 

I'm so confounded by people's behavior. I don't understand what to do with myself. I don't know what to believe. I don't know if I should keep doing this. What the hell is wrong with me? 

The best solution except killing myself or being locked up in my room till I probably rot just forget about all of this. 

Because... 

Ugh. 

Soorim left me right after I went home from the psych ward. 

Was he afraid to hurt me? 

He did, but I don't think he intended it. 

Maybe he merely didn't know what to do. 

This all just infuriates me. 

I just don't care anymore. 

If they want to talk to me then they have to approach me first. 

If they don't want to talk to me and they can break their necks for all I care.