→ 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭┊Suicide Boy Fanficion

Chapter 14: Let me fly right now

A walk up to the entrance of my apartment building I see someone familiar.

He's wearing a grey zip-up hoodie and black shorts.

As I try to walk by them, they stick out their hand, preventing me to enter the building.

I look up at them in confusion.

"He hurt you," he said inaudibly, it's Soorim.

My eyes are wide with shock as I stare at him.

"What?" I ask.

"You heard me."

"No--"

"You let him touch you, didn't you?"

I feel enraged.

"Why do you care after ignoring me?"

He stays mute.

"That's not how it's supposed to go! You don't just leave someone you care about in the cold! Not after everything you told me!"

"I'm sorry. But I had to go," he said, "I couldn't just watch you suffer anymore. I couldn't stand it."

"Are you kidding me? You couldn't see me suffer. So you made me suffer alone." I laugh sarcastically, "I'm baffled."

"You're pathetic." I sigh, turning to confront him.

There hasn't been any movement from him. He's looking at me.

"You really are pathetic," I say.

Nevertheless, he doesn't move.

"Get out of my way, Soorim."

"I can't do that. Not until you answer my question."

My eyebrows rise.

"Did he...?"

"You have to tell me, Hooni. Did he use you?" 

I stay silent. "Did he hurt you?"

I look at him. 

His gaze is steady as he stares at me. 

I know he's not going to yield. I try walking around him, but he grabs my arm. 

"Let go of me." 

I try pulling away, but he holds on. 

"Let go of me!" I scream. 

He holds on. I twist my arm, but he doesn't let go. 

"Let go of me!" I scream again, and again, and again. 

The crowd gathered around us, observing the interaction with curiosity. I can feel their stares inflaming my skin. Next, he releases me. I withdraw a few steps back, but I perceive him following me. 

I sigh, trying to suppress my anger. 

"Why do you care?" I say, "You made it very clear you didn't care about me." 

"I do care about you." He says. 

I cease and oppose him. 

"Then let me go." 

"I can't. Not yet." 

With a huff, I turn away from him and enter the building. When I reach my apartment, I immediately secure the door. He knocks on the door, but I don't answer. 

I'm shaking, enraged and exhausted. I desire him to go away, but I know he won't. I can't. I need to think, I need to breathe. I need to calm down. 

I pace the floor, trying to decide what to do. I can overhear him knocking on the door, but I ignore it. I can hear his quiet sobs through the door, but I don't answer. I can hear him talking, but I don't listen. 

I can't. 

It's acutely excruciating. I'm desperate for answers. I need to know why he did that, what I did that made him do that. Was I pleasing enough? Was I not pleasing enough? Why couldn't I have been more pleasing? Why couldn't I have done better? And the worst part? 

I don't know. I can't undergo that again. I won't. I can't. 

Why do people have the need to make me suffer like this? They both. 

In the beginning, they make me feel appreciated, then leave. And when I don't care they come back. And I... I can't. I won't. I can't deal with that. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm shaking. 

I need to calm down. I need to think. I sink into my bed. I breathe. I think. I don't know how long I lay there, thinking, trying to calm myself down. I groan, sitting up. I strain my arms. They're sore. I try ignoring the pain. I pick up my phone. 

I should call him. I should make him go away. I don't know why I'm hesitating. 

I tap on my messages. 

Nothing. 

I tap on my contacts. 

Nothing. 

I sigh. 

I should just call him. I should just end it all. It'll be over. 

I dial his number. He picks up on the third ring. "Hello?" 

"Hey," I say, my voice trembling. There's a brief pause. Then, he says, "I... I wanted to say I'm sorry." 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said. And what I did. I'm sorry I left you." said Soorim. 

I discern him sniffle. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt." 

I don't say anything. 

"And I'm sorry for what I did to you." 

I don't state anything. I want to. I want to yell, to scream, to cry. But I can't. I won't. 

"I'm sorry." 

"I know." I reply. 

And then, I hang up. I launch the phone across my room, hitting the wall. I lie in my bed, tears streaming down my face, shaking all over. 

I'm furious. 

I'm puzzled. 

I'm wounded. 

I'm miserable. 

I'm delighted. I'm delighted I'm not with him. I don't want him. I don't need him. 

I'm fine. 

I'm fine. 

I'm fine. 

I'M FINE. 

I get up from my bed. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. 

I pace back and forth, unable to come up with a single emotion that isn't overwhelmingly painful. I hear my phone ringing. 

I ignore it. I don't want to talk to him. It'll only make things worse. 

It'll hurt more. I don't even know why I'm hesitating. 

I should just answer it. I should just tell him I'm fine. I don't know why I'm hesitating. 

Why am I making this so difficult? The phone stops ringing. I sigh. I'm fine. I should just... just ignore it. I should just answer it. I should just... tell him I'm fine.