→ 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭┊Suicide Boy Fanficion

Chapter 16: This feeling that wraps around me

My room is heated and stuffy. I can't stand the odor of my room. The smell of the carpet, the smell of the air, the smell of my body.

I stare at the text message on my phone. I examine the time. I don't recognize what is going on. I don't want to think about this anymore. I do nothing but want to sleep and forget.

My hands are on my knees, my head tilted to the side, eyes staring at nothing, in the air. It was murky, the sun has set and all I see is the reflection of my room in my eyes. It was empty, dark, and quiet. I'm staring into the abyss. All I perceive is darkness and emptiness.

I'm sitting at the table, staring at my phone waiting for it to vibrate from Soorim's text.

I sucked my breath and revealed the messages.

"Are you okay?", "I'm sorry", "I know I was dumb", "I'm really really sorry", blah blah blah.....

Ugh.

With every intention of not contacting him, my finger hovered over his number on my phone. Despite all the hurt he had caused, I couldn't help but experience an inexplicable urge to try and reach out. I debated with myself for what felt like forever before finally gathering the courage to dial his number.

"Soorim?" I said coldly.

"Hooni! Finally, you answered, thought you died hah...." He trailed "Are you okay?"

"I'm alive," I said flatly.

"I'm really sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." He said quickly.

"You're a jerk," I said.

"I know. I'm sorry. I should have..." he trailed off.

"What?"

He paused for a moment. "I should have never freaked out. I mean I'm sorry. I shouldn't leave you alone. I left you because I was scared."

"Scared of what?" I said.

"Scared I would... Hurt you. And listen I know it sounds weird because it's exactly what I did, but please..."

A moment of pause was in his apology.

"Please forgive me. I want to be friends again. I want to talk to you again. Please..." his voice cracked at the last plea.

A tear escaped my eyes.

"I... I understand. I'm sorry too." I respond tearfully.

"...Hooni?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did... Why did you kiss Heemin?"

I started sobbing.

"It... It just kind of... Happened..?" a sniffle can be heard from the other side. "I would rather... Not talk about this, Soorim."

"... Can I come over?"

"Yeah..."

My voice shook and trembled as I recounted the horrifying events of my past to Soorim, every scant detail emerging from between my trembling lips like a confession until I was reduced to a pile of exhausted sobs. His gaze never wavering, unwavering and unblinking as he heard of my struggles with Heemin.

He told me he would help me through any problems I had. He also told me he would always be my friend, even if I didn't want him to be. He said he would always be there for me.

I felt so safe with him. I felt so warm and happy with him. I didn't want to lose his presence. I didn't want to leave him. I didn't wish for him to leave me.

However, I knew I would have to later. We had to part one day. I cried some more. He held me close to his chest. I felt like nothing could harm me. I felt like nothing could break what I experienced.

I was safe. I would be safe. He would protect me from everything.

He held me close. I fell asleep in his arms. He fell asleep in my arms. We shared the warmth of each other. Soorim was the only one I trusted.

I would protect him from everything. Even if I could not support myself. I would protect him. I would devote myself to him. I would devote my entire self to him.

I would never let him go.

Soorim is everything to me.

He is my world.

He is my life.

I love him.

As I look into Soorim's eyes I knew things would be okay.