→ 𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭┊Suicide Boy Fanficion

Chapter 8: My face can't lie

*TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPT*

He's leaving without saying goodbye.

As I slam the door behind him, I level my eyes.

My gaze is focused on the ceiling as I pull myself up to a sitting position.

I twist my neck from side to side, tightening my strained muscles.

To be honest I don't even know why I got so frantic. Might be just built-up emotions.

The fact that Heemin was always there for me makes me feel guilty.

But then again, maybe he's just using me.

He probably thinks I'm weak or something.

I guess I am.

I'm the weakest person in this world.

I never had any friends until I met Heemin.

I still try to comprehend his confession; I met him again after so long. So many hurtful experiences we had together. So many hurtful memories he made me.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Why did it have to be him? Why does it always happen to me?

I look down at my arm. It's all red and swollen.

It's funny how when I be discharged the psychiatric hospital I vowed to myself that I will never hurt myself again.

I'm just a joke.

Just another worthless, useless human being.

I'm merely an idiot who keeps getting fucked over by life.

I ponder what the point of living is if you have to keep hurting yourself.

If you have to live the rest of your life alone.

I don't want to be here anymore.

I don't want to have this shitty existence.

Life is pointless if you can't be happy.

I'm just gonna end it. I'll do it right now.

I won't wait.

I don't want to do it slowly like this.

I don't want to suffer anymore.

I just want to die.

I reach my hand and grab the razor blade's handle, and sliding it over my skin.

My body feels numb, but my mind is screaming in agony.

My heart pounds harder with every fleeting second, my breaths are shallow. My stomach clenches with anxiety.

I don't want to do this.

This isn't what I wanted.

But it's too late for regrets.

I'm already doing it.

I'm dying, I'm dead inside.

I can't believe I'm actually doing this.

I can't fucking believe it.

I've lost control, I'm not thinking clearly.

I just want this to stop.

I just want everything to stop.

I just want to stop existing.

I just want to be free.

Free from pain.

I just want to stop feeling.

I just want to stop hurting.

I just want to disappear.

I just want to die.

"NO, NO, NO."

I scream as my body shudders from pain and fear.

"NOOOOO!"

I throw the razor away and fall to the floor.

I sob uncontrollably as my tears soak my pillow.

"I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it!" I scream with desperation.

I cry until my lungs burn.

"I'm sorry, please, forgive me."

I beg for mercy, for forgiveness.

But it's too overdue for that.

"Please, I'm sorry."

But no one will ever hear me say those words again.

I'm just a stupid kid. A waste of space.

No one will ever love me.

No one will ever care about me.

No one will ever help me.

No one will ever understand me.

No one will ever listen to me.

No one will ever see me.

No one will ever see past my scars.

No one will ever know the real me.

No one will ever know who I really am.

No one will ever know what I've been through.

No one will ever know about my life.

No one will ever know who I was.

No one will ever know me.

"I'm sorry."

I close my eyes and let the darkness take over my soul.