"How many kids do you want to have?" Diana asks me. It is late Friday night, everybody has gone to bed, but we're wide awake. Hanneli is getting married tomorrow... I can't quite believe it. I mean, I'm so incredibly happy for her. But it is also scary. Really scary. My big sister is going to have a wife. I am going to have a sister-in-law.
"Ethan!" Diana whispers again. We're in her room, trying to fall asleep. She's laying in her bed and I'm on an inflatable mattress next to her.
"I have no idea, to be honest. What about you?" I ask her, slightly terrified of the thought of me with children.
"I think you'll have two or three." She whispers and taps the tip of my nose.
"What makes you say that?" I ask while my thoughts run back to Hanni and the wedding.
"Well, you grew up with two sisters. People sometimes aspire to have the same amount of children as their parents had." She states after some consideration.
"Technically my parents had four kids." I sleepily say.
"No, your dad did. Plus, you didn't even grow up with Josh so he kinda doesn't count." Diana adds.
"Do you think I'll have boys or girls?" I ask her, getting more and more interested in the conversation.
"I don't know... Maybe two boys and one girl? Or just two boys." She states.
"What about you?" I ask her.
"Oh, I have everything already decided!" She says and I can almost feel her smile in the dark room. It's been a long time since we've had a sleepover. A while back we hung out alone practically every weekend. Now we only see each other when the others are with us. I don't mind, we have a lot of fun together. I've just missed this. A lot. "I'm going to have two kids, both boys. Liam and Kyle, I think. Although their names change a lot."
"Do you see yourself with Matthew when you imagine yourself with a family?" I ask her and she is quiet for a little while. Almost so long that I start wondering if she fell asleep.
"I don't know... " She finally says, almost a little sad. "It's not that I don't see us having a future together, it's just so far away. I mean, we've been apart more than we've been together and we're still changing so much as people. Because the person I am right now is far from ready to have kids, but I think it's easier for me to imagine myself as an adult than Matt. Do you get it?"
"Yeah, I understand," I say, contemplating what she just said.
"Do you think it means we won't?" She asks after a while.
"Have a future together? No, I think these kinds of things are too unpredictable to be able to foresee it like that. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. It will figure itself out." I say because it's precisely the way I feel. We're too young to know these things. "I mean, look at Hanneli and Evermore. It wouldn't have been in my wildest dreams that Hanneli would be engaged to someone I didn't even know. It's just unpredictable."
"That makes sense... Are you sad about it? That you haven't gotten to know Evermore?" Diana asks carefully.
"I mean, of course, I wish I knew her, but I'm not mad about it. Hanneli likes her, and she is a really good judge of character so Evermore must really be something. Plus, there's nothing preventing me from getting to know her after the wedding." I say and actually make myself feel a little more at ease with all of these changes.
"That's really mature of you, Ethan," Diana says and I smile.
"I have my moments." I joke.
"C'mon. Give me a hug, doofus." She says and I roll over onto her bed. She wraps her arms around me and I smile to myself.
YOU ARE READING
My Lovely Life - The Story of Ethan Bennett
Teen FictionI just wrote all of this and then I accidentally deleted it as well as the book cover. I'm somewhat infuriated atm. The book was written as I fell in love for the first time, while in the Swedish equivalent of High School so it should be one hell of...
